


New Opportunity

by Xelleca



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Flirting, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Humor, Interspecies Relationship(s), Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 2 spoilers, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Romance, Smut, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23248234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xelleca/pseuds/Xelleca
Summary: Kasumi has an opportunity for Shepard: rob a corrupt corporate executive with ties to batarian terrorists.  Simple mission, except for one, tiny hitch: Shepard needs a date - specifically, his quarian best friend and secret crush.  Tali and Shepard awkwardly try to avoid their feelings for each other.
Relationships: Male Shepard/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
Comments: 46
Kudos: 220





	1. In and Out, Easy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kasumi sets up a heist/elaborate matchmaking scenario, Shepard frets, Tali's thrilled

“Hey, Shep!” Kasumi’s voice piped up over the comms.

“Hey, Kasumi. Need anything?”

“I’ve got a new opportunity for you, come by the lounge, I’ll tell you about it.”

Before his resurrection, Commander Shepard would’ve found it odd for crew members to request they meet in person before giving any details. Now, used to vague ‘needing to speak with you’ alerts from Chambers, he found Kasumi’s open offers for more heists to be refreshing. Usually only tangentially related to their mission, but refreshing.

Kasumi was crouched and hooded in her usual position on the chair.

“So, what’s this ‘opportunity’?” Shepard used air quotes to mock Kasumi’s euphemism for burglary.

“You’re gonna love this one, I promise!”

“You said that about the last one - the one that had lots of valuable paintings, and very little intel.”

“Yes, but they were nice paintings.” Kasumi flashed her teeth in her smile.

“Anyway, this one’s on Terra Nova - the colony you saved a few years back out in Exodus. The mar- I mean, target-“ Kasumi paused to enjoy Shepard’s feigned annoyance.

“Is Delard Serbano: entrepreneur, shipping magnate, insurance executive, real scum of the galaxy. Made his fortune off of price gouging during disasters. He charged 10,000 creds a filter during the Eldfell-Ashland leak on Zorya, took people’s life savings just to get enough for a week.”

Shepard frowned slightly. “I hate bloodsuckers as much as the next person, but I don’t see how some disaster capitalist jackass is relevant to us.”

“I haven’t gotten to the juicy part. Profiteering apparently wasn’t enough, so Serbano moved into causing disasters. He’s got ties to all three major merc companies, Terminus pirates, even the Hegemony.”

Shepard’s knit brow confirmed Kasumi’s thoughts that that last one would get his attention.

“He pays for sabotage to enviro-systems, slaver raids, you name it, then sells the survivors ‘protection’ at an insane markup. He’s expanded into defense systems, insurance - I don’t think he’s ever paid out claims, mind you - anything he can make a credit off of.”

Shepard moved from the doorframe took a seat across from Kasumi. The thief smirked, she had him hooked.

“Alright, let’s say I agree Serbano needs to be taken down. Do you have a plan for that?”

“Oh, Shep, don’t you know me? I already have diagrams! Take a look.” With a few taps on her omni-tool, Kasumi sent detailed figures, floor plans, and plans to Shepard.

“We can go over it in detail later, but the basic idea is similar to what we ran with Hock. Serbano’s having a charity gala, some foundation that just funnels money to himself. You’ll go in as yourself - no need for a fake ID this time, everyone on Terra Nova knows you - schmooze a little, gather intel, break in some places, figure out where Serbano keeps his records, snatch them, ditch, deliver them ‘anonymously’ to the Citadel. In and out, easy!”

Shepard looked up from his omni-tool incredulously. “Easy like shooting our way past a gunship?”

“Hock was personal and expecting me, that was different!” Kasumi feigned offense. 

“Besides,” she continued, with a mischievous look that brought Shepard no small amount of concern, “I won’t be with you.”

“See, the gala has one teensy complication: Serbano’s a xenophile. Not in like, a fun way, like Kelly, but in a fetish-y way. Everyone at the party will be in an interspecies couple, so-“

Shepard saw where this was going. 

“No, nope, we are not-“

“Shep, it’s for the mission! Just bring one of our lovely lady non-human crewmembers for a nice evening out! Besides, you and Tali make a cu-“

“Nope, nope, nope, not talking about this again, you already made me think about it.”

“I made you think about it, huh?”

“Not like that - okay, you know what? Why don’t you do it? Bring Thane! Bring Garrus!”

“Two problems: one, I would be arrested on sight in Terra Nova - long story, stole one of their beaches.”

“You what?”

Kasumi moved right past the question. “Two, I already let Miranda know. The Illusive Man is _very_ unhappy about Serbano’s ties to batarians, so he’s made this a mandatory mission for you.”

Kasumi grinned wide despite (because of) Shepard’s pursed lips and crossed arms.

“Joker’s already put in the coordinates, party’s tomorrow, so I’d make your way down to Engineering...”

Shepard put his head in his hand and sighed. 

“I hate you, Kasumi.”

With that, Shepard turned on his heel and left.

 _This’ll be good for them_ , Kasumi thought.

_...I should prep an escape route just in case._

***

Shepard paced in the Engineering Deck hallway. There had to be a way out of this.

The problem wasn’t spending time with Tali. The number of times they were the only ones left at the table on crew nights out or left awake after team movie nights spoke to that. The problem was what spending an evening romantically, even faux romantically, with Tali would do to _that_ part of Shepard. The part that read too much into her leaning on him on walks back to the Normandy, the part that paid far too much attention to every part of her suit, the part that almost made Shepard invite her up to his cabin every night after his rounds. _That_ part would enjoy this evening entirely too much. 

So, the fearless Commander Shepard needed a plan to avoid spending a romantic night alone with his quarian best friend. His genius, beautiful, sexy - _no stop that!_

Then, it clicked. _Interspecies._ Tali wasn’t the only alien woman on board. Shepard pulled up his omni-tool.

“Samara?”

“Yes, Commander?” the justicar serenely answered.

“There’s a mission coming up, and I need you on the tea-“

“Is this Kasumi’s mission on Terra Nova?”

_God damn that woman._

“...yes.”

“I am sorry, Shepard, but my code prohibits me from even mild deception such as that. I have to decline.”

“Of course, Samara. Thanks anyways,” Shepard barely restrained a groan.

“You are welcome. I hope you and Tali have a wonderful evening, Commander.” He swore he could hear her smirk through the comm.

“Okay, I can do this. It won’t be weird, it’s just a mission. I’m her captain, she knows I wouldn’t just ask her out. She’s my best friend, she knows, it’s cool, it’ll be cool. I got this.”

Shepard walked through the doors to the engine room to see Tali bent over, fiddling with her console, suit clinging to her stretched legs and taut ass.

_I do not got this._

***

“Hey, Tali!”

Shepard had never been more glad to see the engine room empty. He did not need Ken’s jibes right now.

Tali popped up her head up from beneath the console. 

“Hi, Shepard! Just finishing up some upgrades to the workstation, should let me integrate feedback into my suit’s haptic sensors, get an idea of how any changes will affect pitch and yaw.”

Shepard had no idea what that meant, but he loved it when Tali’s eyes were lit up like that. He could’ve listened to her talk tech for hours, but he snapped out of staring at her faceplate to get to what he dreaded.

“Sounds fantastic. So, uh, there’s a mission coming up I need your help on.”

“Sure, just ping me when and I’ll gear up.”

“No, uh, it’s...more complicated than that. See...”

Shepard explained the mission as Kasumi had, desperately trying to judge Tali’s reaction off body language alone. She simply leaned back on her console, nodding along occasionally, depriving Shepard of any hint of the quarian’s thoughts.

“Like always, though, there’s a catch. Serbano apparently has a, uh, xenophilia fetish -“

“Sorry, my translator didn’t catch that. What does that mean?”

_Of all the words._

“It means, basically, uh, having a thing for sex with different species. Aliens.”

Tali’s heart fluttered ever so slightly. Her collection of e-books on human body language, sexuality, and very specific physiology meant she was in no place to judge.

“Oh.”

 _Stupid response_ , thought Tali.

“So, all the guests are interspecies couples,” Shepard continued.

Tali gripped the console and hoped this explanation was going where she desperately wanted it to.

“In order to blend in, I’m gonna -“

 _Ancestors, please._ _Okay, maybe they wouldn’t approve of Tali’s blush over a human right now, but still, please._

“We need to be together.”

_Keelah._

“Forthenight, forthemission.” Shepard added after a just-too-long pause.

Tali was lost in her own thoughts. A night alone with Shepard, being introduced as his girlfriend, hanging on his arm, going to bed with him, unzipping h-

“Tali? Are you okay?”

She blinked, mercilessly snapped out of her daydream by the object of them.

“I fully understand if you’re uncomfortable with it, or if it would cause trouble for you back home, or-“

“I’m in.”

Shepard stopped himself. He hadn’t heard that enthusiastic tone since Tali rejoined the Normandy. 

“Oh, uh, great. Great! We’ll have a great time...bringing Serbano to justice.” Shepard coughed nervously.

“Do I need anything?”

Shepard looked pensive for a moment. 

“If you’ve got any evening wear accessories, or a special occasion hood, or anything. I’m wearing my black and white suit, I can get it if you need to coordinate.”

Tali laughed, then stopped herself. “I meant, do I need my shotgun, medi-gel?”

Shepard’s skin reddened, a reaction Tali had only seen in her human body language instructional vids. Knowing what it signified, she struggled not to laugh. She had made Commander Shepard, Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, blush.

“But I will need to coordinate. For the mission, of course.” Tali added to the silence, unsure if she meant it as a genuine cover or a joke.

Shepard laughed, an honest, non-nervous laugh. Tali breathed a sigh of relief. She was terrified of embarrassing herself by outright confessing her long-standing crush on her captain, of all people, but at least tonight would allow her to test the waters, see how Shepard felt about her. Or just live out her fantasies...the clean ones.

Keelah, she was going to need her NerveStim at the end of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First ever fanfiction, hope you enjoy! Apologies for any typos, this first chapter was written on my phone.


	2. Don't Waste Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission prep and Jack is unhelpfully helpful

“Gun?”

“Check.”

“Backup gun?”

“Check.”

The pre-mission checklist was, as Grunt had pointed out several times, not strictly necessary, but Shepard always liked to make sure his team was prepared.

“Boot knife?”

“Knives, check and check.”

Shepard glanced at Tali from over the datapad.

“Does quarian evening wear always call for two knives?”

Tali scoffed, “No, but an evening with you does.”

Shepard laughed in that honest, caught off guard way, reverberating through the empty shuttle bay. Tali loved hearing it.

“Almost done the checklist. Antibiotics?”

“Check.”

“Anti...antihistamines? Why would you need antihistamines? It’s not Nodacrux.”

For the first time in her life, Tali was thankful for her suit as a bluish blush blossomed on her cheeks.

“They would be necessary for levo/dextro, uh, oral contact. I have no idea who put that on there. It wasn’t me.”

Shepard briefly smiled, then blinked and looked back at the datapad.

“...wouldn’t you also need them in case you ate levo food?”

Tali put both hands on her helmet. Of course, it was for levo food, but her addled brain immediately leaped to swallowing Shepard. _Keelah, I need to stop watching those extranet vids._

“So, we’ll bring those just in case you eat some brie...or for other reasons.” Shepard followed the second part with a laugh that was just too quick and loud to be believable as laughter.

Tali didn’t draw attention to it but kept running his words and inflection through her head as they prepped gear. 

_Is...is Shepard flirting with me?_

_Maybe he’s just getting into character_ , the rational, good quarian part of her said.

 _Maybe he means it and sees you as a woman_ , the emotional part of her said.

 _Ancestors, those pants are tight_ , the loudest part of her said.

Shepard, meanwhile, was torn between immediately apologizing to Tali for his sad attempt at flirting and hoping she would reciprocate. He had made jokes before: ‘what would the Admiralty Board think of you right now, Miss vas Normandy?’ when she leaned her head on his shoulder after a long night out, for example, but they were _jokes_ , things they could both laugh at as at the expense of Tali’s uptight superiors. They weren’t actual expressions of, say, a desire to bend Tali over her console and fuck her until their implants fried. 

Definitely not that. Expressing that might - no, would - ruin their friendship. After the loss of two squads in as many months, a treason trial, and the death of her father, Shepard figured the last thing Tali needed was her old friend coming onto her. So, he kept his feelings to himself.

Or, at least, he thought he did until Kasumi offhandedly suggested they’d be a good couple. Of course, _he_ thought that, but how did Kasumi get that idea? It was only after asking Garrus where that ‘crazy idea’ started did tactical genius Commander Shepard realize the entire crew saw him and Tali as an item. From them on, Shepard noticed a lot more. The hushed conversations when he passed, Gabby shushing Ken during his nightly visit to Engineering, Joker’s loud mentions of ‘great, non-bigoted levo/dextro restaurants on the Citadel’.

Admittedly, he thought, I really should’ve caught on with that last one.

Regardless, the Serbano mission was just that, a mission. So, Shepard figured, flirting was part of the role, hell, even necessary. This, and for no other reason, was why his cybernetic heart thrummed when Tali winked and said, “Maybe pack a few extras, then.”

Yes, that was why. The discomfort in Shepard’s pants was absolutely mission critical, as well.

***

With mission prep complete, Tali stopped by the mess hall to grab dinner. After perusing the limited variety of dextro foods - she and Garrus really needed to take that up with Miranda - she settled on her usual plant-based stew. While she had dextro meat available readily on the Normandy - Garrus insisted on her trying his recipe for smoked Citrian corkbird ribs - Tali alleviated some of her homesickness through food. While the SR2’s stew was overly salted and lacked the metallic flavor of Migrant Fleet dishes, it was a passable substitute. 

As she put the stew in the micro-oven to soften it for her induction port, an electric presence popped up next to her.

“So, do you have to eat everything through a tube, or what?”

Tali laughed, even though that was a genuine question, knowing who it was coming from.

“Hello, Jack.”

The human biotic waved while she bit down on a sandwich.

“So,” Jack said through mouthfuls, “heard you and the Commander are going to some sex party thing.”

 _Keelah, did Kasumi tell everyone about this?_ “It’s a gala for intersp-“

“Is he swapping you out or are you swapping him out? If you get an elcor, let me know how that works, always been curious. Ooh, or a vorcha.”

Tali cracked up. Jack, despite her reputation, was surprisingly easy for her to talk to. Her vulgar, brazen speech was worse than any Migrant Fleet marine, but it had an honesty Tali found refreshing amidst the double talk of Cerberus.

“We aren’t doing any swapping, Jack. It’s a cover story for the mission.”

Jack rolled her eyes. “Uh huh, and I’m sure all those little ‘Oh, Shepard’ moans I hear when you’re on late shift are for the mission, too.”

_Dammit, knew I should’ve checked downstairs before running NerveStim._

“That, that was, uh, me c-complaining about him messing with the ship!” Tali sputtered out.

Jack’s face was enough reminder that Tali lied about as well as a turian under oath. The biotic wiped her hands on her cargo pants.

“Listen, sweetie,” Jack looked Tali dead on with uncharacteristic seriousness, “Shepard, and you will never hear me say this to him, is a great guy. Huge pussy sometimes, but a great guy. Don’t waste time, we might all get blown up by the Collectors tomorrow.”

Tali was surprised by Jack’s earnestness.

“Thank you, Jack, but Shepard and I are just good friends.” Those last three words hurt to say.

Jack rolled her eyes again as she walked off. 

“Uh-huh. Good friends don’t stare at your ass every time you’re in front of him.”

“Wait, does Shepard actually do tha-“

Jack smirked as the elevator doors closed. “If he gives you a facial, I’ve got cleaning wipes for the bucket!” she yelled as the doors shut.

Tali stood in the mess hall, jogging her memory of any times Shepard was behind her. There was that time getting tickets for the team viewing of Blasto 4, but that was him just making sure her gun was secure, right?

The beep of the micro oven startled her out of cataloging any times Shepard checked her out. 

_I’ll keep an eye out during the mission_ , she thought as she pulled out the piping stew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nodacrux is the planet from ME1 that's a garden world except for pollen that triggers anaphylactic shock.
> 
> Tali's boot knives are a reference to the 'destroy Geth' ending of Priority: Rannoch in Mass Effect 3


	3. Things Not to Tell Joker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kasumi made a 'mistake', Shepard and Tali go to a petting zoo and get lunch

The shuttle touched down at the spaceport at 0900 hours. Shepard thought it was early for a gala, but hoped that meant it was a casual, quick affair. 

When Kasumi popped up on his comms, he knew he was gravely mistaken.

Shepard sighed. “Yes, Kasumi?”

Kasumi responded cheerfully, “Hey, Shep! You two touch down okay?”

Tali chimed in, “Yes, just waiting for a cab to the party.”

Kasumi laughed, a noise that Shepard had grown to associate with bad news. Well, bad news for professionalism.

“Funny thing, there was a bit of a mix up. The gala’s actually _tomorrow_ night, mixed up my Terra Nova timezones.”

Shepard struggled to hide a groan. Kasumi was too smart to make such a simple mistake; she was planning something. He tried to go for the easy solution.

“Alright, we can get the shuttle and head back-“

Kasumi interjected, “Well, we - and by ‘we’ I mean Cerberus - already paid for a lovely hotel room for you two, so it’d be a waste for you to come back.”

 _Oh, come on_ , thought Shepard.

 _Oh, come on_ , hoped Tali.

“Sending you the nav now, bye!” Kasumi shut the channel.

Shepard sighed, then lowered his shoulders and dropped his neck from ‘angry commander pose’. Even at her trial, she hated seeing Shepard upset like that. Tali paid close attention to his muscles relaxing and face softening. 

He turned towards her with those piercing eyes. “So, anything you wanna do on Terra Nova?”

 _Don’t say you, don’t say you_ , Tali repeated to herself.

“What’s that thing where you touch animals, but don’t eat them?”

Shepard gave a quizzical look. “A...petting zoo?”

“Yes, that!” Tali caught her enthusiasm and coughed. “We, uh, don’t have animals on the Migrant Fleet.”

Shepard shrugged, opened his omni tool, then, before Tali could react, put his arm through hers.

“Gotta look the part, right?” he offered, convincing himself as much as Tali.

Tali needed no convincing.

***

“So, what does this one do?” Tali slowly rubbed her hand over the animal’s neck. Her movements were those of a scientist experiencing a phenomenon. Shepard couldn’t help but laugh at the quarian’s adorably intense examination of the Earth animal.

“It’s called a llama,” Shepard said the name slowly in case the translator failed. “Before synthetic fabrics, it was used for wool, sometimes milk, sometimes as a pack animal.”

Tali was fascinated. She hadn’t seen a large animal until her pilgrimage, and even now her experience was limited to varren or thresher maws trying to kill her. It was odd and pleasant to see one just calmly eating. She wondered how much her people had lost without animals, without worlds of their own.

Shepard could see Tali’s sadness - her ‘fleet before me’ mode as he called it - and put his arm around her. “Hey, maybe you can be the first llama wrangler on the new quarian homeworld.”

Tali laughed and nuzzled against Shepard’s arm. Even if Shepard disagreed with trying to take back Rannoch, he always made her hopeful. He was always there, ready to give her support. He was a kind, smart, gorgeous man, even if he had backward knees. He was everything she ever wanted in -

 _Stop, you’re not in Fleet and Flotilla! You’re not a teenager! This is Shepard we’re talking about!_ Her inner voice rudely snapped her out of her fantasies - her _delusions_. She couldn’t let her selfish wants hurt their mission, too much was at stake. She reluctantly ducked out from Shepard’s embrace. 

Shepard hid his brief crestfallen look, then pointed to a nearby pen. The animals inside looked like short, pink elcors crossed with volus. 

“Ooh, are those ‘dogs’ humans go on about?”

Shepard laughed, then realized Tali was entirely serious. “Uh, no, no those are called ‘pigs’. Dogs are hairy, like humans.” Shepard gestured to his own close-cut hair. Tali idly wondered what it would feel like to rub her fingers through his hair. Shepard idly wondered if Tali had hair.

Tali, feeling bold, asked her question first. “Can I feel your hair?” Shepard obliged, and Tali cautiously ran her gloved digits across Shepard’s scalp. It was an odd sensation, the closest one she had was touching some of the thin sea plants the Fleet grew in aquaculture ships. But her heart raced at the intimacy of it.

Shepard’s heart, strengthened as it was by cybernetics, beat more slowly, but still drummed in his ears. “I hope this isn’t offensive, but: do quarians have hair?”

“Hm? Oh, no. I can’t imagine how hard that would be to manage inside our suits, keelah. Why do you ask?” Tali was mildly confused, since quarian anatomy was readily available on the extranet, but she was more interested in the possibility Shepard wanted to know what she looked like beneath her helmet.

Shepard was very interested in what was beneath Tali’s helmet (and the rest of her suit). He knew old photos were available on the extranet but gave the non-answer of “I just wanted to know. And yeah, hair is a mess, that’s why I keep mine short. Well, that and Alliance regs. And less to grab in fights. Still don’t know how Miranda does it.”

Tali grimaced at the mention of the Normandy’s de jure XO. She knew Miranda was interested in Shepard and it infuriated her every time Shepard left Engineering to go to a meeting with her.

“Maybe the Cerberus cheerleader likes getting her hair pulled,” Tali dismissively scoffed. As she said it, she realized it may have been a bit too obviously jealous.

“Miss vas Normandy, I had no idea you disliked our illustrious Cerberus liaison.” Tali lightly punched Shepard’s arm, a recognition of their shared dislike of Cerberus.

Shepard did a double take. “Also, where did you learn hair-pulling is a thing? What sort of extranet videos have you been watching?”

Shepard’s tone and grin told Tali it was a joke, but she couldn’t help her nervous response. The last thing she wanted and somehow the only thing she wanted was to discuss her sexual interests with Shepard.

“Well I was looking at human social cues, and then that led to human courtship, and there’s a lot of it, so I thought it was important, so -“ Tali babbled, a mix of half-truths and deflections to prevent Shepard from wondering why a quarian was trying to learn human courtship.

Shepard put his hand on Tali’s knee to stop her, which only succeeded in making her more flustered. “And human courtship means _a lot_ of things, apparently, so I watched vids on it and your people _really_ make a lot of vids, so I had to watch a lot -“

“Tali.”

Hearing Shepard’s voice - his friend voice, not his commander voice - snapped her back to reality. 

“I was joking. I figured you’d heard the phrase from Joker, honestly.”

Tali buried her faceplate in her hands as though that gave her protection from her humiliation.

“But, uh, good to know you have...hobbies.” Shepard gave a look Tali hadn’t seen before, a slight, pursed smile. She’d have to look up what that meant. She would also have to look up what it meant when a human kept his hand on your knee for so long.

Shepard, as if he heard her thoughts, retracted his hand. They sat in silence for a while. Both hoped they weren’t ruining it. Both weren’t sure what ‘it’ was.

***

Shepard broke the silence.

“You wanna get lunch? Don’t know if there’s any good dextro places here, but you’ve got nutrient pastes, right?”

Tali nodded, happy to be off the topic of her extranet history. “I brought my nicest tubes of protein,” she sarcastically responded.

Shepard laughed, but he could tell it was one of those jokes Tali made to make her suit a little less terrible. Garrus made similar jokes to cope with his scars, but Shepard knew when his squadmates - his friends - were hurting.

“You know what?” Shepard said while pulling up his omnitool, “I’ll find us a good dextro place or I’ll pull Spectre authority to get you some. You deserve it.” He said those last three words straight to Tali’s face, provoking another wave of giddy unease in her abdomen.

“Shepard, really, I was just kidding, it’s fine.”

“Nothing but the best for my fake girlfriend,” Shepard declared, with an almost imperceptible sadness on ‘fake’. Tali blushed, both at Shepard calling her his (fake) girlfriend and at him caring so much for her. 

_He’s not making this easy_ , Tali thought.

In a few moments, Shepard had found a restaurant more than happy to serve dextro food for the Savior of Terra Nova.

 _This job has its perks_ , Shepard thought. _Stop an extinction event, get some turian food._

Tali and Shepard hopped in a skycab and headed to lunch.

***

“So, there I was, husk on top of me, trying to bite my head off," Shepard enthusiastically retold between bites of his meal. Tali thought it looked disgusting, frankly, but Shepard ordered it straightaway. Why he wanted to eat a bunch of snake-looking pale tubes covered in red mush was beyond her, but apparently 'spaghetti' was a human special. She, on the other hand, was thrilled to finally have some turian _bakala._ And, of course, to spend time with Shepard. 

"I'm trying to get one hand free to punch it through the chest, Miranda's off running circles from a scion, and I'm thinking, 'Where the hell is Garrus?'. As I think it, the husk slips past my one hand and starts biting on my armor. Now I'm pissed, but lo and behold, I hear 'I've got you!' from 30 meters off. There's a gunshot, and what do you know - that turian shot the head clean off...of the scion. _One_ of the scions."

Tali almost choked laughing. She felt tears welling up when Shepard told her about confronting Garrus after he blew the husk off himself. "I said, 'Why didn't you shoot the husk?' He says, I kid you not, 'You had it handled, the scion head was a higher priority.' I said, 'What the fuck do you mean, higher priority? It was fine after you shot it!' He just gets this look and says, 'I meant for the kill tally. Headshots count double, remember?' I honesty almost slapped him."

 _God, this is easy_ , Shepard thought as Tali put her hand to her stomach, almost doubled over in laughter. He already spent most meals with Tali, much to Miranda's annoyance, but every conversation felt like a new one. _Maybe, when things are calmer...then again, when are they calm?_

Tali checked the time on her omni-tool. "When's check-in at the hotel, it's already 1500?"

Shepard shook his head slightly as he woke from his daydreams. "Oh, yeah, we should head over soon. We can get room service for dinner."

Tali raised her eyebrows, one of the few facial gestures she could get across to non-quarians. "Shepard, we're on a mission, you don't need to spoil me like we're actually dating." 

Shepard looked down at his plate, then ever-so-slowly reached out and put his fingers on Tali's hand. "Fake-dating or not, you deserve to be spoiled sometimes. You've been through a lot, Tali, and never once thought of yourself. _You deserve this._ " 

Tali felt her emotions swelling, but narrowly choked them down, only letting slip a light whimper. _Shepard's telling you that you deserve to be happy. What are you waiting for? This is a sign._

But even if it were her ancestors themselves pushing her to confess her feelings for Shepard, Tali couldn't bring herself to do it. He was Commander Shepard, there was no way he wanted _her._ Even if it wouldn't hurt the mission, even if she deserved it - would Shepard feel the same way? 

Tali didn't have the answer to that question, but for now, she could enjoy Shepard's hand on hers. Every time he touched her, muted as it was by her suit, still made her feel more alive than anything else. She savored the feeling for as long as she could before withdrawing her hand (noting that Shepard had made no move to). 

Shepard went for the menu tablet. "I'll ping the server, let them know we need to-go bag...bags, Tali what are you doing?"

Tali was casually inserting the rest of her kebab, lengthwise, into her induction port. 

"Tali, you're gonna choke on that thi - wow."

The kebab stick came out empty, totally cleared of food. 

"Sorry, Shepard, had my mouth full. Why were you worried?"

Shepard was stunned. Alien biology never ceased to amaze. "Well, I thought you would choke on the kebab. Why didn't your gag reflex kick in?

Tali titled her head quizzically.

"My what reflex?"

Shepard's eyes slowly widened until he looked like he was staring down a charging krogan.

"Shepard? You there?"

Shepard shook his head like he was waking from the dead all over again.

"Just," Shepard said with gravitas, "do _not_ tell Joker that fact."

As they picked up their things and headed to the hotel, Shepard deeply hoped the room's shower was soundproofed. He painfully needed a long one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally reject the Tali photo from ME3. My idea of quarians looks much closer to this: https://imgur.com/IP8Mx6k
> 
> Bakala is based off the Latin word 'baculum' tr. 'stick, branch'. It's like a turian kebab.


	4. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Tali check in, get a special suite courtesy of Kasumi, and discuss Shepard's love life (or lack thereof)

Shepard locked arms with Tali as they entered the hotel lobby. Shepard's closeness, his romantic gesture, and the less-than-cheerful looks from the humans in the lobby put Tali's heart into overdrive. She felt like she was suffocating inside her suit. She felt every eye on her, not Shepard, as if every one of her insecurities was broadcasted across the room. Just as she felt a rising panic, Shepard squeezed her hand.

 _It'll be okay_ , was the silent message.

Her excitement began to outweigh her dread when Shepard walked right up the desk and openly asked for a room for 2 under the name Shepard.

The asari concierge briefly gave Shepard a lustful look, then Tali a nasty one, prompting Tali to pull herself even closer to Shepard. She was going to milk this mission for all it was worth. 

"Ah, yes, Shepard, here we are. Your associate offered to pay, but I thought you should know that we wouldn't feel right charging the man who saved all our lives. We gave you and your - " the asari seemed to trip on her words, "companion an upgrade, as well, on the advice of your secretary. Please enjoy, Commander. Our baggage mech will see you to your room."

"My secretary?"

"Yes, 'Lilith Bird'? She said she was handling all your travel arrangements for this visit."

Shepard shook his head at Kasumi's too-clever-by-half fake name.

Following the stout service robot, Tali and Shepard entered the lift. Shepard had that stupid smile Tali loved.

"What's so funny, _bosh'tet_?"

Shepard kept his smile and turned to Tali. "Just...I thought you were gonna snap my arm off when that asari looked sideways at you."

Tali blushed under her mask. "Oh, sorry, I, uh," Tali cleared her throat, "...instinct?" She weakly offered in her defense.

Shepard laughed heartily. "If that's quarian instinct, I'd hate to see you actually jealous."

Tali thought back to the time she 'accidentally' spilled her drink on Ash when she interrupted her and Shepard on a crew night out.

"Heh, yeah," she meekly laughed.

Once the elevator stopped, the pair followed the mech to the room. 

"Here you are," the mech VI announced in monotone beeps.

"The Honeymoon Suite."

There was a single bed in the room, barely larger than the crew bunks. The wallpaper was coated in artistic renditions of almost every sapient species' hearts. A quarian/human heart combo seemed to have been hastily added in with holo-paint. Most embarrassing was the prominent copy of _Boldly Coming: Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About Aliens in Bed But Were Too Afraid to Ask_ by Dr. Rupita Loros.

Unbeknownst to each other, both Shepard and Tali were thinking the same thing.

_I'm either going to hug Kasumi or kill her._

***

Shepard cleared his throat.

"I'm...gonna go ask for a cot."

Tali tore herself away from her fantasies, mostly centered around that small bed, and wracked her mind for an excuse to keep both in it.

"Wait!" She grabbed Shepard's arm. "Serbano might have eyes on us, if we get a cot, it might blow our cover." Tali hoped that flimsy logic was enough.

 _You know,_ Shepard's inner voice noted, _it's not every day your beautiful best friend insists you share a bed with her._ Well, there was that time on Noveria when Tali suggested they 'preserve heat', despite the team being in a hotel and also having 7 beds. And the time she said Shepard could stay in her room onboard the Neema after the trial. And whenever she mentioned her bed down in Engineering was 'very spacious' and 'really empty, in fact'. _Hey, wait a minute -_

Shepard's thoughts were interrupted by Tali dragging him to the bed to show that it was "totally fine" for them to share it. Upon testing this theory, Tali wound up smushed right next to Shepard if he laid flat, and essentially spooning him if he laid sideways. While Shepard most definitely enjoyed the prospect of having Tali's body practically on top of him (a fact he had to continuously remind his body not to advertise), his first concern was her.

"Tali, really, I can sleep on the floor, it's practically the first thing they teach in basic. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Tali gave an exasperated sigh, as if spending the night almost straddling her years-long crush was a mild annoyance. "Shepard, it's fine. I'm used to cramped conditions on the Fleet. You think I've never had to share a bunk with a man before?" This much was true; due to lack of space on their transport, Tali spent several nights fighting Prazza for a blanket on their way to Freedom's Progress. 

But Prazza wasn't Shepard. Tali began to wonder if this was a bad idea, if she was taking her fun too far. What if Shepard realized how she felt? What if she couldn't help herself and propositioned him? As a series of worst-case scenarios ran through her head, Shepard's face hardened, and he looked her straight in the eyes.

"Tali."

 _Here it is,_ Tali thought, _he's going to try to let me down easy._ Her stomach churned and her heart felt like a collapsing star. _I should've said something before now, I bet he's with Jack or that Cerberus bitch._ A thousand thoughts consumed her, but one stood out. _I've ruined the best friendship I've ever had._

 _"_ As long as it isn’t weird."

_What?_

"Uh, of course not. Of course not," she tried to make the dismissive human hand gesture she'd seen in vids, but just succeeded in flapping her fingers like a bird. "I promise I'll keep my hands to myself," she added before her brain could stop her.

_I'm going to throw myself out the airlock._

Shepard laughed. If only Tali knew how hard it was for Shepard not to hug her every time he greeted her. With the awkwardness defused, he joined her in 'friendly' flirting. "I'll keep you to that. If I must, I'll use Spectre authority and keep you in cuffs."

Tali felt a rush of warmth between her legs. _How does he know about that?! I kept that vid on mu - oh, it's a joke_ , she panicked before seeing Shepard break and laugh. She laughed with him, not necessarily at the joke, but the absurdity of the situation. Here they were, Spectre and squad leader, flirting with each other like teenagers. All while preparing to rob a tycoon tomorrow and go on a suicide mission in the next few months. When she considered that, it all did seem silly.

She was still going to need some private time to handle that joke about handcuffing her, though.

***

Shepard and Tali spent the next few hours settling in. They organized their gear, unpacked, checked for listening devices - the usual routine. It was around 1800 that Tali felt peckish and asked if Shepard was serious about that room service comment.

"I never miss an opportunity to waste Cerberus' money, Tali," he cockily responded as they both sat on the bed.

Tali laughed - well, more like giggled, but Shepard knew pointing that out would get him a surprisingly painful punch to the shoulder.

"Yes, I remember your messages from Miranda when she found out about Grunt's 'Gun of the Month' club. I didn't think Miss Perfect could even use phrases like 'fucking stupid' until you showed me it."

Shepard pulled up the menu pad and looked at Tali with faux seriousness. "Hey, that antique SPAS-15 was _vital_ for Grunt's team cohesion and morale...as were the multiple trips to Tuchanka to test it."

Tali did her best Miranda impression. "Commander, I don't think The Illusive Man," she put her hand on her chest for emphasis, "would approve of such expenditures."

Shepard snorted. "Was that supposed to be Miranda? You sounded like Zaeed with a cold." That one got him the shoulder punch. _Damn, she is strong._

"Bosh'tet."

Shepard passed the room service menu to Tali. She was shocked to find that the hotel kitchen had a quarian dish: _qualatva_. She thought back to the few family dinners of her youth, her parents and her crowded around their flimsy, prefab table, savoring the gooey, spicy grain dish. Shepard must have recognized that look and asked what was up.

"Oh, they have quarian food, I was just being...nostalgic."

"Homesick?"

Tali sighed. "A little, but not for home the way it is now. For the way it seemed growing up. Do you know the feeling?"

It was Shepard's turn to sigh. "Yeah. It feels like it was a lot simpler back then, easier. But it wasn't and you don't realize that until you grow up. I loved spending afternoons watching the ships dock and leave from Arcturus Station, but I only did that so much because I was waiting for one or both of my folks to come home."

Tali inched closer to Shepard. He had mentioned in passing on the original Normandy that he was a military brat, but Tali always figured his childhood was...what? Stable? Comfortable? She had always assumed Shepard, given all that he was, had to have a wonderful childhood. _Stable doesn't mean happy, Tali. You know that._

"I guess we both know something about parents putting the greater good first." She offered a wistful smile, even if Shepard couldn't see it.

Shepard smiled back. "I guess so," he concurred, "but, hey, it all worked out, right?"

Tali smirked. "Well, except for the suicide missions, accusations of treason, and shared bed before robbing a murderous trillionaire, I'd bet our parents would be proud." That got a deep laugh out of Shepard. 

"My mother's already not happy about me disappearing for two years, she'd be apoplectic if she found out I was dating," Shepard caught himself just as Tali's heart started to flutter, "forthemission," _smooth, Shepard_ , "without telling her."

As Shepard shifted into a sort of half-laying position propped up on the pillow, he placed their orders to room service. Tali went over Shepard's comments about their childhoods in her head. One question was stuck in her mind and, feeling bold, she asked it.

"Shepard, you mentioned your mom would be upset if she found out we were dating - ifweweredating -" _smooth, Tali_ , "is that...because I'm quarian?"

Shepard immediately sat up, part in defense of his mother, part in defense of Tali against hypothetical discrimination. "Woah, no, not at all. She has no issues with aliens, raised me that way. Dad and she fought on it, he saw more action in First Contact, but I've never heard her say a bad word about anyone based on their species." Shepard saw that Tali still looked down. He was also feeling bold and reached out, gently placing his hand on hers. "Honestly, I think she'd love you...if we were dating, of course. Which we are not. Obviously."

 _Don't remind me_ , thought Tali. Still, hearing that from Shepard warmed her heart. "I guess that explains where you got your loving nature from. Remind me to thank, uh...Mrs. Shepard?" Tali looked to Shepard for confirmation on human naming conventions. He nodded with a smile. "For raising a son who would take a chance on a quarian on her Pilgrimage." If Shepard could see her face, he likely would've realized just how much emotion Tali was putting into every word. 

As she scooted Shepard over to lay down next to him, as best she could, Shepard spoke up while she was fumbling for the screen remote.

"Hey, earlier, you made a few...comments about Miranda."

 _Oh, no._ Tali winced. Based off the way they'd both mocked her uptightness, she was confident Shepard did not return Miranda's interest, but she felt dizzy, nonetheless.

"I just wanna check, has she said anything to you or anything? She might be Cerberus, but she's still technically my XO, so, if she said anything derogatory, I could reprimand her."

Tali breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"Oh, no, not at all. I'm never going to get a drink with the woman, but she's polite whenever I interact with her. There's nothing to worry about Shepard, just, what was the phrase Joker used? 'Joshing around?'"

Shepard laughed at the way Tali sounded out the human phrase. "Alright, good. 'Joshing around' is good. I just know you and your people have more than enough reason to be hostile on sight to Cerberus, so figured I'd make sure there's no bad blood between you two. I don't trust her either, but for now, we have to work with her."

Tali made a dismissive noise. "Might wanna tell her that," she mumbled under her breath.

"What do you mean?"

Tali raised her eyebrows. "Wait, you don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

Tali could barely hold back her laughter. "Miranda's _super_ into you! She checks you out every time you walk by her! How have you not noticed?"

Shepard screwed up his face. "I feel like I would've noticed that."

Tali lost it at that. "Shepard, she wants to make perfect Cerberus babies with you. _Bad_."

"You're joking, right?"

"Keelah, Shepard, do you not remember Liara trying to bed you for months when we were looking for Saren?"

Shepard looked even more shocked. "Liara wanted to sleep with me?"

Tali's mouth was hanging open. "You might be the most oblivious man in the galaxy, I swear."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know?"

Tali rolled her eyes. "Shepard, come on! You're you! You just have this, I don't know, aura! You attract people. Plus," Tali shamelessly looked Shepard up and down, "you've got...a lot to work with." She was blushing now, but too far in to stop herself.

 _Well, that was unexpected,_ Shepard thought. 

"Okay, so, if Miranda wants to have sex with me - "

"She does."

"I'm going to need to let her down. Gently. And maybe from range."

Tali felt like she could jump for joy. Though it was probably wrong, hearing Shepard clearly dismiss Lawson brought her no small amount of joy and confidence. It was all she needed to push her luck. She turned on her side to face Shepard.

"So, if Miranda, being she's 'perfect'," she used the air quote gesture the entire SR1 team had adopted from Councilor Sparatus, "isn't enough for you, what is?"

Shepard remained silent for a while, leaving Tali anxious and afraid she had crossed a line.

"Well," Shepard spoke slowly and deliberately, "it's not about 'perfect', it's about the person. I care about personality, character, compatibility. Physical attraction matters, sure, but it's not the basis of a healthy relationship. I know it's a cliché, but it's what on the inside that counts."

Tali stared at Shepard.

"Also, you prefer ass."

"Yeah, also that."

Tali smacked Shepard with a pillow as they both laughed. "Bosh'tet."

Inside, her heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's background is Spacer/War Hero/Paragon, for the record.


	5. Option #106

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Tali watch some questionable content, have some wine, and Tali takes her favorite omni-tool for a spin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get real NSFW this chapter, heads up.

"So," Shepard posited, "while I recover from the _vicious_ pillow attack," Tali smacked him with it again, "what do you want to do until room service gets here?"

Tali had several ideas, all of which involved creative applications of NerveStim and Shepard. After locking those thoughts away for later, she settled on her 105th option.

"Let's see what's on the screen." The Migrant Fleet had little extranet access even in more developed systems, so live programs were never an option. As a result, Tali's experience with vids was limited to the few the Fleet had in storage. Excepting operas, religious events, and countless hours of technical how-tos, that left a young Tali'Zorah with a few cherished vids she watched over and over. As a result, Shepard's team vid nights were especially enjoyable, even if ancient human vids on space were exceedingly silly. After his death, Tali picked up vids on OSD whenever she could. 

With all that in mind, Tali deeply wished vids had never been invented when she turned on the holo screen. Before her and Shepard appeared a human male buried deep in a bent-over asari. The 'helpful' screen informed them they were watching 'This Ain't the Battle of the Citadel XXX'. 

Tali turned to Shepard, expecting him to be furious or horrified, but he was laughing uproariously as his 'impersonator' read something about "showing humanity's potential to the Council" from a holo-card. 

_I will never understand humans_ , thought Tali.

"Holy shit, they made a porn parody of me. Is this what being famous is?" 

Tali, meanwhile, watched the events with an almost clinical gaze. The human was attractive enough, sure, but he was no Shepard. And that asari looked nothing like Councilor Tevos! _This is why I stick to the amateur stuff,_ Tali reminded herself.

Shepard turned to Tali. "Hey, is this weird for you? I find it funny as all hell, but I’ll change it if it's weird." _I will have to find a copy of this to show Garrus, though._

Tali laughed. "No, I'm actually curious about it." Tali played back her words in her head just as Shepard opened his mouth with that smirk. "Not like that! I just don't understand why...actually, I just don't get any part of this, to be honest."

"Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much - " Shepard started before he got yet another shoulder punch.

"No, I don't get why they used _you_." Tali looked at the screen to see a turian who looked nothing like Garrus enter the 'interrogation' of Dr. Liara T'Bone-i. _That's not even clever._

Shepard shrugged. "Part of the appeal’s comedy, just the absurdity of it. Part of it is, I don't know, relieving tension? It's like how everyone's back to shopping on the Citadel. If something's not serious, it's easier to get through the day." Shepard paused. "I mean, also it's for jerking off, but that was obvious."

Tali scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

Shepard crossed his arms and put on a defiant look. "Well, Miss vas Normandy, what is quarian porn like that you're so high and mighty?"

 _This may be crossing a line,_ they both thought.

 _Ah, screw it,_ they both thought.

Tali straightened her back. "Well, we don't exactly have a lot of it lying around - if you can believe it, 'smut' was not on the priorities list when fleeing Rannoch. What we do have is vids from exceptionally brave and kind-hearted people who volunteer to record their clean room visits for the sake of everyone else. There are...not a lot of volunteers, as you can imagine."

Shepard blinked in shock. "Even porn is a public service for quarians?"

Tali shrugged. "More or less. Most people make do with fantasies about famous people or vids they buy with whatever they've saved up."

Shepard felt bold, even as his hands were clamming up. _You held off an entire raiding party at Elysium, and this is what makes you nervous?_

"You, of course, manage with your 'human courtship' videos," he teased.

Tali was burning up and blushing under her facemask. "I told you, that was an accident! It's not my fault your people flood the extranet with it!"

"Uh-huh. And why, Miss vas Normandy," Shepard leaned in, unaware of just how wet Tali got whenever he called her that, "were you looking at human courtship in the first place?"

Tali's brain was shutting down, replaced by the hormones swimming in her body. She examined every facet of Shepard's face, desperately looking for any sign that this was more friendly teasing. She found none. 

"Humans are very hard to read, so much of it is in your faces, and it's been two years, and you're really the only human I know, but you're not exactly typical, and - "

Shepard feigned offense. "Are you implying I'm not a good representative of humanity, Miss vas Normandy?"

_Please stop saying that or I'll need to clean my suit._

"Most humans, I've found out, know how to drive. And dance." _And don't have those eyes, or those hands, or_

Shepard made a noise Tali had no reference for. "That still doesn't answer why you were looking at _courtship_." He somehow got closer. Tali swore she could feel his breath.

"I needed to make sure that I understood it so I wouldn't, uh, misinterpret - not that I'd ever do that, or that there's something to misinterpret - unless, you know, there was, so I had to be prepared, and - " Tali's nervous babbling continued as Shepard was readying to gently place a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"Tali, you don't need to be nervous, I - "

"Oh, Commander, please vet me vatch vou! Vou are so powervul!" exclaimed one actress with the worst Rayya accent Tali had ever heard. It snapped both out of their very precarious situation.

"Is that...supposed to be me? That's clearly a human in a suit!"

Shepard bit his tongue as hard as he could to stifle a laugh. The vampire accent and cardboard suit were making it incredibly difficult.

Tali watched as her doppelganger followed 'Commander Shep-hard' into his cabin...only to sit down and watch him go to town on what were presumably supposed to be Liara and...Doctor Chakwas? _Ew._

Tali threw her hands up. "Even in porn, quarians get nothing!"

Shepard laughed, but realized there was real annoyance in Tali's voice. "Sorry."

Tali, confused, looked at Shepard. "For what? You didn't make this."

"Of course not, but sorry for the way quarians still get treated. I wish I could do more about it."

"Well," Tali said, reclining next to Shepard, "maybe bringing a quarian on your arm to a fancy gala tomorrow will help."

Shepard chuckled. "Can't hurt."

"Oh, ves, Commander, vill ver vith vour viruvent seed!" cried out the holo screen.

"I don't sound like that, do I?"

"...not that many v's, no."

" _Bosh'tet_."

***

Sometime around the extended Noveria sequence, there was a knock at the door. Tali scrambled for the remote to blank the screen while Shepard got up to get it. The salarian at the door, dressed in a surprisingly well-fitted bellhop outfit, gave Shepard a curious look while wheeling in the cart. When they stepped back outside to give him his tip, the salarian snapped his fingers.

"I've got it, that's where I know you from! You're that guy who plays Commander Shepard in all the docu-vids. You do a great job, man."

Shepard shook his head. "No, I'm actually him. I'm Commander Shepard."

The salarian blinked. "Aren't you dead?"

Shepard paused as he pulled out his credit chit. "...sort of?"

The salarian leaned to investigate the doorway. "Wait, so if you're Shepard, then the quarian is..." His mouth hung open in shock. "Are you two...contracted?"

Shepard didn't want word of this getting out and causing trouble before the gala. Plus, he could smell his food already. He tossed the salarian his Cerberus account chit. "Go wild, just don't tell anyone anything you saw here, okay?"

The bellhop slowly nodded and sprinted back down the hallway.

Tali looked up from her omni-tool, where she was desperately trying to find any record of her voice from interviews. "Everything alright?"

Shepard locked the door. "Yeah, just a fan."

"Like Conrad Verner fan or?"

Shepard laughed as he walked over to the food cart. "Thankfully, no. Gave him the Illusive Man's chit to not raise an army of paparazzi outside here. More importantly, we have," Shepard made a show of pulling the cloth off the cart, "this!"

In the cart's interior were three bottles of dual-chirality wine - the good stuff, Tali remembered from the 'we killed a Reaper' party in the CIC the day after the Battle of the Citadel. 

_As much as I want to spend the night drinking wine and sharing a bed with Shepard..._

"Shepard, is it a good idea for us to drink before a mission?"

Shepard sat down on one of the decorative chairs with his meal. "Well, I wasn't planning on us drinking all three bottles tonight, party girl." Tali raised an eyebrow. "We can have some tonight, the rest tomorrow to celebrate a job well done. Hangover won't be a problem; my biotics will burn through it, and your suit can filter out the toxins. Probably."

He wasn't wrong, but Tali wasn't nervous about the hangover. She was nervous because drinking lowered her inhibitions, and her inhibitions were the only thing stopping her from jumping Shepard right this minute. 

_You're a grown woman, Tali, you can handle your liquor._

_He's your captain and your friend and he's offering you a gift._

_The gala's not till tomorrow night anyways._

_Maybe he'll run your NerveStim for you and pin you down and_

After cutting off that last thought, Tali shrugged. "Alright, pour me a glass and hand me my _qualatva."_

_What's the worst than can happen?_

***

"So, so it's called a NerveStim, NerrrveStim, okay?" Tali drew out the 'r', having concluded sometime around wine glass #2 that it was sexy to do so. 

Shepard patiently listened, nodding along while trying to will away his physical reaction to Tali talking about her masturbation habits.

"It's my best friend in the galaxy, Shepard. Next to you!" Tali hiccupped. 

"I'm honored I beat out a vibrator in your friendship rankings."

Tali looked genuinely offended. "It isn't a 'vibrator', whatever that is. It stimulates my actual nerves through my suit and my implants. It's like I'm out of my suit. Here, let me show you!" Tali pulled up her omni-tool before Shepard stopped her.

"Woah, woah, woah, hold your horses there, Tali." Shepard was drunk, but he wasn't 'watch Tali get herself off in front of me' drunk. Yet.

"Why would I hold a 'ho-arse'? What's a ho-arse?"

"They're like llamas with shorter necks, but that's not relevant. I'm, uh...not sure that you're in the right state of mind right now to be giving, uh...demonstrations."

 _You are the biggest moron in the galaxy, Shepard,_ screamed all of Shepard's hormonal urges at once.

 _I'm trying to stop my best friendship from going down in flames,_ yelled back his still functioning frontal lobe.

Tali put her hands on her hips. "Shepard, I'm not about to fall over." As if to prove it, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Tali was feeling pleasantly buzzed, not nearly as inebriated as she'd been at some of the crew parties but being alone with Shepard was driving her to odd things. "I'm just showing off quarian engineering, that's all. It's like talking omni-tool hacks." _Except this one has profiles named after Shepard._

Shepard sat back down on the chair, resigned to Tali's drunken determination. He himself was starting to feel the effects of the wine more, which may have influenced his acquiescence. "If...you're that determined." 

_This could either go really well or really poorly_ , both thought.

Tali slowly drew up her omni-tool. She quickly sorted through her menus and hidden sub-folders, making sure Shepard wouldn't see the programs she labeled 'After Engineering Visits', 'After Workouts', 'Shore Leave', and 'Did Something Shepard'. Taking a deep breath, she selected NerveStim Pro Deluxe Edition. _Sorry, ancestors._

An almost imperceptible hum, quieter than the Normandy's background noise, reverberated from Tali's suit. She quietly made a noise of satisfaction somewhere between a sigh and a groan. Shepard struggled not to do the same. He decided to adopt Tali's method of talking to distract himself.

"So, this feels like?"

Tali opened her eyes lazily. "Like a full body massage, I imagine. Just sort of a pleasant feeling all around, nothing explicitly sexual."

Shepard tilted his head. "Oh, so, huh. Sorry, I guess that would be pretty damn nice when you're stuck in a suit. Sorry for comparing it to a sex toy."

"Oh, no, it does sex stuff, this is just the lowest setting."

Shepard opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He promptly closed it and continued drinking his wine. Tali pulled up her omni-tool again and upped the setting. She immediately brought her thighs closer together and had to slightly bend her legs. All her efforts failed to stop a soft moan from escaping her lips. _Maybe I should turn off my audio_ , Tali thought to herself, before seeing Shepard nervously readjusting his seating position. _Never mind._

Shepard talked again to distract from the rising problem in his lap. "So, this is how you - er, your people - stimulate sex when you don't have a clean room?"

Tali nodded. "Well, some of us. Every suit comes with some form of nerve simulation for safety purposes, technical work, that sort of thing. Some non-quarian companies have put some money into upgrades like this," Tali paused to shiver as the stim program hit her somewhere she wished Shepard were, "to sell to quarians. It's something you save up for."

Shepard smirked. "And how much did you save up for this, Miss vas Normandy?"

 _Yup, definitely going to need to run the cleaning function_.

"I didn't need to. Do you not remember that you split your Spectre account between all of us in your will?" Tali realized too late that bringing up Shepard's untimely death might not help the mood. But Shepard seemed unbothered.

"You spent my Spectre money on...a masturbation program?"

"Not all of it, you _bosh'tet_! The vast majority went to the Fleet. We got ships, supplies, upgrades. You probably saved dozens of quarian lives."

"Well, I'm glad all that time I spent busting open lockers and crates helped someone."

Tali felt another surge of warmth throughout her body. "Oh, it did."

Despite the discussion of his death, Shepard was still struggling with a raging erection. Tali wasn't obviously in the throes of 'stimulation', but Shepard knew her well enough to see her body language was different. Her legs were close together, she was shifting ever so slightly every few seconds, her eyes were unfocused. _Fuck, this is hot._

 _Keelah, this is hot_ , thought Tali as she pulled up her omni-tool yet again. _But he hasn't expressed interest, so maybe I'm making him uncomfortable._ Tali went to cool down the program only to see that it was on 'Miss vas Normandy' mode. _Oh no._ 'Miss vas Normandy' mode, as Tali knew, given she programmed it, was meant for times Shepard had, intentionally or not, teased Tali to the point of madness. It was programmed to continually go up in intensity based on her pulse, breathing rate, and movement until she was a wreck. 

And she purposefully made it impossible to override.

Tali wracked her brain for a cover. Shepard knew her too well to think she had run into an omni-tool glitch or hack. He was no engineer, so he'd have no idea how to help. She saw no option other than to ride it out and hope Shepard didn't notice. Upon settling on trying to hide a mind-destroying orgasm from her crush, Tali felt the program intensify. _Why is this hot?!_

"Uh, Tali?" Shepard's concern broke through her panicked train of thought. "You okay?"

"Mm-hmm," was all she could manage as her nerves sensed what felt like teasing all along her opening. "Just, uh, letting it cool down." A flash of disappointment appeared on Shepard's face for a moment, then passed back to his usual casual smile. 

"Oh, uh, good. You looked like you were deep in thought there."

 _You have no idea_ , Tali silently joked, as her nerves told her she was getting her thighs caressed.

"If you ever do want an actual massage, for the record, there's a hanar place on the Citadel that's supposed to be great. I think I get a 'Citadel employee' discount, if you ever want to go."

 _Would much rather it be from you_ , Tali thought. _Oh, fuck_ was all she thought as the NerveStim began to stimulate penetration, making her sit down on the bed across from Shepard.

Shepard was genuinely concerned. _Did her suit malfunction? Is she sick?_ "Tali, are you okay? I can call the Normandy and get us picked up."

"I'm fine," was all Tali managed through gritted teeth. _I would rather die than explain this to Chakwas._

"Then why are you gripping the sheets like that?" Tali hadn't even realized she was holding onto the bedsheet for dear life as her suit subjected her to her fantasy about being on Shepard's lap in the pilot's seat. 

"I - I - I," Tali felt a moan rolling up her throat and tried to silence it, "just a mal - mal - malfunction. Nothing serrrious."

Shepard pulled up his omni-tool. "That's it, I'm calling Joker, or at least Mordin. That wine must've been levo, I'm so sorr-"

Tali grabbed Shepard’s arm, hard enough to leave a mark. She took a deep breath, which was difficult as she currently felt like she was being bent over the CIC console.

"I acci - accident - on mistake," she stammered out between simulated thrusts, "set my NerveStim to kee - keep going until..." she trailed off, both in embarrassment and shock as her nerves stimulated a deep thrust.

Shepard went wide-eyed. "Oh. _Oh._ Uh, are you going to - "

Tali grabbed his arm again. "Yes, very hard, s - s - sorry."

"I was going to ask if you're going to be okay, but that's nice, too." He smiled, less at his own joke and more at knowing Tali would be okay, if mortified. She made no effort to move her hand, so Shepard sat down next to her. He could hear her breathing heavily, even through the mask, and her gloved hand was warmer than it had ever been in combat.

 _Why is this hot?_ both quietly thought.

They sat in relative silence for a bit, interrupted only by Tali's now open moans and sighs of pleasure. These did little to help Shepard's situation, presumably obvious in his casual outfit. After a few minutes, Tali's grip on Shepard became vice-like.

"Are you...?" Shepard trailed off to avoid verbally acknowledging that his friend was about to have an explosive orgasm right next to him. Tali's grip, now constricting Shepard's blood flow, only tightened as she meekly nodded. 

"Do you...want anything, or?" _Yes, I'm sure she wants a Tupari while she cums in her suit._ Tali weakly shook her head, before gasping. _This is it,_ she thought. _I'm going to fucking cum my suit in front of Shepard. I'm going to kill Kasumi, then jump out the airlock._ As her pulse jumped out of embarrassment, the NerveStim followed suit and intensified the now-constant thrusting sensation.

"Oh fuck, Shepard, Shepard, Shepard Shepard Shepard - " Tali screamed as Shepard found himself unable to look away. He felt her entire body shake in waves through her hand, bouncing up and down on the soft mattress. He was sure she would leave a bruise tomorrow. Her movement went on for some time ( _Fun aspect of quarian physiology, I guess_ , thought Shepard) before her breathing began to shallow and she loosened, but did not release, her grip on his forearm. 

As the last of her orgasm shuddered through her, Tali's brain came back online. She had just loudly, uncontrollably orgasmed in front of her Captain, her long-time crush, and her best friend. She was beyond mortified and felt tears welling up.

"Shepard, I -"

As if sensing what she would say, Shepard cut Tali off. "It's fine. Like you said, you were showing off an omni-tool feature and you made a mistake. No more embarrassing than when Kaidan triggered the sprinklers in the mess hall." Tali laughed at that memory. "I won't tell anyone about this, and we can never talk about it again, alright?"

Tali smiled warmly at Shepard, wishing he could see her beneath the helmet. She also wished he could kiss her, but that train of thought was too much for her exhausted body. She noticed Shepard had made no effort to remove her hand from his arm.

"I'm...ready for bed. Very ready for bed," Tali said as she flopped down onto the mattress. Shepard laughed, then followed suit. Looking down, he saw he was blatantly pitching a tent in his pants. Hoping Tali hadn't noticed, Shepard rapidly sat up and excused himself to the bathroom to 'get ready for bed'. 

While Shepard handled his 'problem' in the shower, Tali felt herself drifting off. _If this was just the prelude to the mission..._ was her last thought as she slipped into calm, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I have written so far, but I plan to write more soon. Hope you like it!


	6. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Tali wake up, Tali contemplates the previous evening and plans a surprise for Shepard, Tali comforts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Two shorter chapters today, things are a bit hectic in my life due to current events (stay safe). Hopefully, I don't go too long between updates.

Asgard's gentle morning rays woke Tali'Zorah from the best sleep she'd had in weeks. She felt a warm presence beneath her - a breathing warm presence. As her mind returned to functioning, Tali realized that presence was Shepard. A quick glance confirmed that she was half-lying on him, as if he were a blanket she was trying to wrap around herself. Or, as the rest of her body woke up, as if he were one of the stiff pillows she had frustratedly grinded on in her teenage years when she was positive her parents were asleep. It took more effort than she would like to admit not to repeat that well-practiced motion on Shepard. To remove the temptation, Tali rolled over as best she could, leaving her left arm and leg dangling over the bedside. 

Tali took a moment to observe Shepard. She had seen him shirtless before, of course, in Chakwas' office or during a workout. But seeing Commander Shepard, hero of the galaxy, sleeping softly right next to her was very different. Her eyes traced every scar - fewer than she expected, though that was more due to Cerberus reconstruction than any excessive caution on Shepard's part. His muscular chest rose and fell slowly, taking maybe ten breaths a minute - another reminder of Cerberus technology. But more than anything physical, Tali was enraptured by the smile on Shepard's face. Tali had spent many sleepless nights on the original Normandy in conversation with an equally-sleep-deprived Shepard in the mess hall, so to see him so content and at rest was a special pleasure for her. She hoped he spent the night with sweet dreams, or at least without the beacon-derived nightmares that often haunted him. 

_What I'd give to wake up to this every day_ , Tali wistfully thought.

***

Shepard blinked awake. As he glanced around in the moments between consciousness and wakefulness, he saw Tali lying next to him. To his surprise, she didn't have her distinctive hood on, exposing her metal and glass helmet frame. Even in combat missions in hostile environments, Tali kept the hood, so Shepard had never seen her without it before.

"Morning," Shepard offered, unsure on the correct greeting for friends-you-shared-a-bed-with-and-totally-don't-want-to-date. 

"Morning," Tali offered back, hoping Shepard didn't realize she had spent the last 20 minutes staring at his sleeping form. "Did you sleep well?"

To Shepard's own surprise, he had. Maybe it was the change of scenery or the relaxing day that quieted his usual nighttime fitfulness, but Shepard suspected the real cause was waiting for his reply.

"Actually, yes. Must be something with the bed," Shepard answered with a smirk. _Or who's in it._

Tali smiled - or, Shepard was pretty sure she did - and rolled out of bed. Shepard followed suit, landing his feet on the floor with a thud. As Tali unzipped her bag, Shepard performed his routine Alliance morning stretches. The rippling movement of his neck and shoulder muscles did little to help Tali's burning ache between her legs. Shepard, suddenly realizing he was essentially flexing half-naked in front of her, sheepishly put on a shirt for the remainder of his exercises. When he finished, Tali was looking out the window with a small tube inserted into her helmet's dock.

"Oh, uh, I was actually hoping we could check out the continental breakfast."

Tali made a startled noise and gestured at the tube, then held up one of her long digits to signify 'wait'. After a few moments of rolling her neck, Tali detached the tube. 

"Sorry, was brushing my teeth. Breakfast sounds great!"

Confusion was one of the first human facial expressions Tali learned to read and Shepard's face now was a textbook example. 

Tali laughed, then coughed nervously into her hand. "Oh, uh, that wasn't nutrient paste, it was cleaning paste. We use it to, well, clean our mouths. You can't imagine how unpleasant bad breath is in this."

"Oh, I understand. I hadn't put thought into how quarians brush their teeth, to be honest. Very...resourceful."

Tali shrugged. "You have to be in our situation. Still, better than turian oral hygiene. Have you seen how long it takes Garrus? He must brush every individual tooth!"

Shepard laughed and went to the bathroom to get ready. Tali snapped back on her hood and her belts, then ran her first suit diagnostic of the day. _No punctures, no seal breaks, no wires crossed,_ Tali checked off as she read through the report. _Wait, excess moisture detected? Wher - oh._ Tali blushed and waited for Shepard's shower to run before running her own cleaning program on her crotch and thighs. While it ran, she couldn't help but think back on her 'mishap' the previous night. Shepard stood by her, as always, even as she almost tore his arm off holding on to him. Even if it was humiliating, Tali felt herself getting worked up over her memories.

She forced herself to recall every detail of Shepard's face through the night. His intensity when he teased her about her video habits, his curiosity over her NerveStim, his concern for her well-being as she squirmed, and that look Tali had no way to place when she finally came. _If I had a visor like Garrus, I would've recorded it,_ she idly thought. Somehow, her embarrassment had been turned into yet another example of Shepard's unending friendship. 

_Really, 'friendship', Tali? That's what you're going with? Friendship is lending a thermal clip, not saving you from exile and casually watching you pleasure yourself._

Tali shook that nagging voice out of her head, which only cleared room for much more distracting thoughts about Shepard and her NerveStim. She crossed and uncrossed her legs in a futile attempt to keep from plunging into full fantasy mode. Knowing the object of her fantasies was only a few meters away, buck naked, covered in hot water did very little to help with Tali's increasingly urgent need. She checked the clock. _How long do humans shower for?_ Quickly doing the math based on the human crewmembers, Tali resigned herself to not having time for a quick Stim session. _Might as well figure out what we'll do until the gala, then._ Tali opened an extranet page of local Terra Nova attractions to distract herself from what was likely another suit cleaning in the making.

_Vids? No, we do that with the team all the time._

_Mall? Don't want cops accusing me of shoplifting every ten meters._

_Oh, waterpark! Wait, 'for safety reasons, no suited species allowed', dammit._

_'Commander Shepard Memorial' - by the ancestors._

Shepard walked out of the shower, thankfully for Tali's hormones, fully clothed. "So, any ideas on what to do after breakfast?" _Since Kasumi stranded us here in her weird matchmaker scheme._

"I do, but it's a surprise."

***

"They've got a sanitizer!" Tali squealed, practically bouncing on her heels. Shepard hadn't seen her this excited since...well, technically last night, but that was a different kind of excited. 

"Are there a lot of quarian guests on Terra Nova?" Shepard asked, scratching his head. _I swear, if Kasumi's been running around here cloaked_

"No, I don't think the Fleet's even allowed in this system. I have no clue why there's more traditional quarian food here than on a liveship," Tali answered while she put a dextro fruit that looked like a small pineapple in the sanitizer. "Beats nutrient paste," she concluded, turning back to face Shepard. When he leaned on the counter, Tali mirrored him, a human body language 'trick' she learned from her pre-Pilgrimage alien classes. She laughed to herself when she remembered saluting Garrus every time she spoke with him for the first two weeks, having been told that it was the standard greeting for turians.

"So, you want to tell me what the surprise is yet?" Shepard could swear he saw a mischievous twinkle in Tali's eye.

"Hmmm no. You surprise me so often; I think it's only fair."

"When have I surprised you?"

"Well, if we don't count 'every time an easy mission ended in fighting an entire Blue Suns company' as surprises," Tali smiled at Shepard's furrowed brow, "there's the birthday gift two years ago, the new omni-tool when I came on the SR2, oh, and you coming back from the dead," Tali counted off on her fingers. 

_He does get me a lot of gifts, now that I think about it_ , Tali thought, _I've never seen him get Garrus a birthday gift._

Shepard shrugged, hoping to end any discussion of his less-than-subtle signs of affections for Tali. The ding of the sanitizer ended it for him, and he and Tali took a table with their respective breakfasts. As Tali cut up her fruit into bite-sized pieces and Shepard guessed at what the surprise may be, an older asari approached the table.

"I'm sorry to intrude, but you are Commander Shepard and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, yes?"

Shepard stood and shook her hand, used to the automatic motion of greeting admirers. Tali was struggling with both why someone would recognize her ( _I suppose I was in the vids of Shepard at the Citadel_ , she concluded) and the complicated emotions brought on by being called her pre-Pilgrimage name. It took her a moment to notice the matriarch was standing awkwardly, waiting for Tali to acknowledge her. She quickly stood up and shook her hand as best she could.

"It's actually Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, now," Tali corrected her, with no small amount of pride in her voice on the last two words. The asari looked briefly shocked, then smiled widely.

"Oh, my apologies, I wasn't aware. Congratulations, to both of you."

"Er, thank you. I'm very proud to serve on Shepard's ship."

"And I'm honored to have her," Shepard added, face beaming.

The asari shook her head. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? I'm Numinsa Corinis, I'm the head chef here. It's an honor to meet both of you."

Tali was seriously confused. Normally, anyone who approached Shepard when she was with him would either ignore her or give her cursory recognition as 'that quarian'.Nobody said they were honored to meet _both_ of them. 

"You're the chef? Your _qualatva_ is fantastic!" _Okay, now I'm lost. Since when do asari on human colonies make great quarian food?_

Numinsa began to tear up. "Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to hear it from you," her voice caught as tears began to flow openly down her aquamarine cheeks. "I'm sorry, my bondmate, he...he was on Rannoch, when..." she trailed off as sobs wracked her body. Tali felt her own eyes welling up with emotion. Before she could think about it, she had her arms wrapped around the chef. 

"I'm so sorry for your loss. He is one of the ancestors, now. We carry his memory everywhere the Fleet goes."

Numinsa returned the embrace, shaking with sorrow reserved for centuries of grief. 

"What was his name? I'll include him the next time I thank the ancestors."

"Naen'Rufor. His name was Naen'Rufor," Numinsa choked out with a mixture of pain and joy, as if she hadn't said the name for years.

"Blessed is Naen'Rufor vas Rannoch, who kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season," Tali said, with her eyes closed in deep reverence. Numinsa sustained the embrace for a few more moments, then withdrew. 

"Thank you. Thank you both for saving us all. It brings me joy to see a quarian and a human together, despite everything. May the Goddess bless your bonding."

Shepard, who had kept silent out of respect for both, nodded deeply. "Thank you, Numinsa. Tali and I are...very happy together," Shepard flashed one of his smiles that made Tali's knees weak. Numinsa gave a slight bow and left for the kitchen. Shepard kept smiling at Tali.

"What? Why are you smiling at me like that?"

Shepard chuckled. "I think you just helped someone with 300 years of grief, but you keep telling me you have poor social skills."

Tali took her seat. "I just...did what seemed right, I guess," she reached an arm across the table to rest her hand on Shepard's, "I learned from the best."

Both wished they were telling the truth when they said they were together. Both bit their tongues and returned to their breakfasts.

"Is it an aquarium?"

"No, Shepard. I don't even know what that is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prayer Tali says to Numinsa is the same that Shala'Raan says before the trial in ME2, which itself is the real-life Jewish Shehecheyanu.


	7. Signifiers and Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali deals with a cultural hang-up, Shepard does the same, the surprise is revealed

"Is it a skydiving chamber?" Shepard asked while they settled into the skycab.

Tali put her hand on her helmet. "Shepard, do I look like I could skydive? Can you even skydive?"

Shepard put his chin in his hand. "Now that I think about it, no."

Tali drew out her words. "Then why would you want to go to a skydiving chamber?"

Shepard shrugged as the skycab took off. "We could watch other people do it and laugh. Anything's fun with you."

Tali felt her cheeks warming up. "As much as both of us would want to see a krogan float, no, we are not going to a skydiving chamber." Shepard opened his mouth and Tali cut him off. "Please stop guessing, we'll be there in 10 minutes."

Shepard closed his mouth. "Fine, but I'm definitely bringing you to an aquarium sometime. Can't believe you don't think dolphins are cool."

"They look like wet human babies!"

The pair continued playfully arguing about Earth marine life as the skycab quietly made its way across the Terra Nova landscape. At one point, Tali reached up behind her hood and fiddled with something Shepard couldn't see.

"All good?" Shepard asked with a slight tone of concern.

Tali withdrew her hand. "All good, just a tube that was jiggling. Normal stuff. Well, quarian normal." She offered a humorless laugh.

Looking at her hood, Shepard recalled her lack of one that morning. "By the way, Tali, I noticed you didn't have your hood on this morning. Did I roll on it or something in my sleep? Sorry, I just move around a lot."

Tali's heart seized. She had totally forgotten about the point in the middle of the night when she woke up briefly to see Shepard fast asleep next to her. Some combination of tiredness, alcohol, and him just being _right there_ made her reach up and unclasp her hood, then belts, throwing them to the ground before returning to sleep next to him. Shepard, of course, had no idea of the significance. Namely, that quarian women did not, as a rule, sleep without their hoods unless it was with their significant other. It was one of those old, archaic culture hang-ups that didn't hold any legal or societal power anymore, but for Tali's conservative family, it was an important marker of a relationship.

And here she was doing it with a man who considered her a friend. With her human captain who only thought of her as a friend. Tali couldn't have blushed harder if she were on an Omega dancer stage. _Time to see if Kasumi's 'how not to unravel in front of Shepard' lessons work_.

Tali cleared her throat. "Oh, that, yeah, I was just...uncomfortable."

Shepard sighed. "Dammit, I knew I should've gotten that cot. Sorry, I'll get it toni-"

"No, no cot needed! I was very comfortable!"

Shepard squinted his eyes. "You just said you were uncomfortable."

_How am I this bad at this?_

"My...body was comfortable, but my head and neck weren't. I'll just get an extra pillow. Or less pillows. Is it warm in here?"

Shepard laughed and put a hand on Tali's shoulder, which did little to help with her nervousness. "Tali, I can tell when you're upset about something. Are we okay?"

Tali contemplated the feeling of Shepard's large hand draped on her shoulder. She could sense his warmth through her suit. _Oh, we are very okay._

Tali took a deep breath. "Okay, it's a...quarian thing, it's not a big deal, not really. You're only supposed to take off your hood in bed when you're with your...bondmate." Tali said the last word in pain.

Shepard blinked, but didn't move his hand. "So, it's like...an engagement ring? Sorry, I'm trying to figure out a human equivalency here."

"I don't know if there is one, exactly. It's just...a relationship stage for us. Is there a human thing you're not supposed to do unless you're with your life partner?"

Shepard scratched his head with his off hand. "In ancient cultures, well, sex, but now? Depends on the family traditions."

"Does your family have any?"

Shepard looked deep in thought, then, to Tali's great surprise, blushed. "Uh...yes, it's uh...okay, so it's not a huge deal for me, personally, but - you know what, I get what you mean. No worries, it's fine."

Shepard went to move his arm, but Tali, fascinated by what could reduce Commander Shepard to a stammering mess like her, grabbed him. " _Now_ I'm curious."

Shepard gave a deep sigh and steadied himself. "Okay, so, on my father's side, all the men gave their wives - er, bondmates - gifts made of...platinum. Because it's supposed to be resistant and long-lasting."

Tali shrugged. "Okay, I don't get what's weird about that."

Shepard laughed nervously. "Well, uh, all the shotgun mods we've made have been made of, uh...platinum."

Tali's eyes widened. "Oh, so that suped-up Eviscerator you gave me - "

"Is technically a gift of platinum. Yeah. So, guess we're even on 'accidental familial marriage signifiers'." Shepard laughed softly, waiting on Tali's response. 

Tali put her hands on her hips. "Well, unless either of us plan on following up on it, I think we're fine." Her tone was teasing, but there was an unplaceable tension in her voice. The reason was that both Tali and Shepard were thinking the same thing:

_I really do want to follow up on it._

Tali broke first. "Well, I'm not a very good quarian for saying this, but who cares what our ancestors thought was romantic, right?" She was reassuring herself as much as Shepard.

Shepard chuckled. "Yeah, what did they know, right?" _They never had to deal with feelings for their alien best friends._

Tali offered a quiet, breathless laugh in return. "Yeah." _Geth rebellions must have been easier than this._

***

The cab VI beeped to alert the passengers that they were approaching their destination. Tali clapped in excitement. Well, Shepard was pretty sure it was clapping. _Still don't get how she and Garrus pick things up._

"Close your eyes, Shepard!" Tali exclaimed as the skycar touched down. Shepard acquiesced and Tali, after a moment of hesitation, grabbed Shepard's hand and led him by it. From the sounds, Shepard figured they were still in a populated area. _I already guessed vids and lunch and she said no, so that can't be it._ He could hear Tali bouncing on her heels in front of him as she practically dragged him towards their destination. Shepard smiled at the sound.

Tali came to a sudden stop. "Okay, open your eyes!"

Shepard opened his eyes and saw Tali's 'genius' idea.

"You have got to be kidding me."

_Commander Shepard Memorial Official Museum & Gift Shop_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hood thing has no basis in canon, I just made it up. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S. The museum is definitely not official.


	8. Nobody's Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali and Shepard visit the Commander Shepard Memorial Official Museum (& Gift Shop)

Shepard turned to Tali as the cab flew off, leaving them on the promenade as shoppers walked by. He stared at the front of the _Commander Shepard Memorial Official Museum & Gift Shop. _It was the tackiest thing he had ever seen, and that included Little Reno on Elysium. There were more colors than a hanar poetry contest. The actual sign was displayed on a three-meter holo-projection onto the sidewalk. A speaker blared a low quality, ten-second loop of the Alliance anthem. A flickering sign in front announced a free "I'm With Shepard!" t-shirt with any purchase over 100 credits. _Oh, I have got to get one of those for Joker._

"How in the hell did you _find_ this place?"

Tali shrugged. "I was looking for attractions near the hotel and this popped up. I was going to ignore it until I saw the reviews."

Shepard tilted his head and turned to Tali with his mouth slightly open. Tali recognized the familiar look from every time Shepard contacted the Council. She cleared her throat.

"From A. Xavros: This is the worst Commander Shepard-related experience of my life, and I was one of the hostages on X57."

"From Mayor Moira Lexis: If I legally could, I would shut this down."

"From Councilor David Anderson: This place is an insult to Shepard, the Normandy, the Systems Alliance, humanity, and sapient species everywhere."

"So, obviously, we had to go see it," Tali concluded.

Shepard shook his head in disbelief. Not at Tali thinking this was a great idea, because it was. No, Shepard was in disbelief at how well Tali knew him. All these years, all this war, and she knew his mind better than anyone. Even if he never acted on his feelings for her, Shepard was beyond glad to have her as a friend. _She is incredible._

Tali's chest was warm and gooey as she saw Shepard's childlike joy over her surprise. She had worried that the implicit aspect of Shepard's death would upset him, but he seemed nonplussed. He had mentioned that, for him, death was "just blinking". _It would be like him to just shrug off death itself._

"Shall we?" Shepard offered his arm, but Tali reached for his hand. 

"Holding hands is a more common human thing, right?" Tali said as if she hadn't thoroughly researched human physical contact since her first week on the SR1. Shepard gave her a wry smile.

"Yeah, I guess it is." He squeezed her hand. 

***

The human boy at the ticket office couldn't have been older than 16. He was scrolling through his datapad when Shepard and Tali approached the booth. He didn't spare them a glance up. Shepard coughed. Without looking up, the teen recited:

"Hello, welcome to the _Commander Shepard Memorial Official Museum & Gift Shop_. 20 credits for adult tickets, 10 for kids under 8, seniors get in free on Sundays. How may I help you?"

Shepard glanced at Tali, who shrugged, and turned back to the booth. "Two adult tickets, please, but is there a military discount, or?"

The ticket taker audibly sighed as he rifled through a drawer. "We are proud to offer 30% off to our brave Alliance service people with an ID."

Shepard pondered for a moment whether they had an 'undead Spectre working with a terrorist organization' discount or a 'person the museum is about' discount. He decided not to hassle the kid anymore. 

"Glad to hear it. My...brother's in the service, I'll let him know." Shepard slid his credit chit into the booth.

"Uh-huh. Here are your tickets, enjoy the museum." The boy returned to idly browsing the extranet. Shepard and Tali went in.

***

They were greeted in the first room by a massive mural of the Battle of the Citadel. While the artistry wasn't about to be added to the Archives ("Is that Garrus or Wrex?" Tali asked. Shepard had no idea.), it was clearly a labor of love. All of Shepard's squad, including Tali, to her delight, were present, fighting geth in the Presidium while Shepard himself was in hand-to-hand combat with Saren on top of a burning geth colossus. 

"Wow."

"Usually they leave out me and Wrex, so it's nice to be included, I guess, but..."

"It's...a lot, right?"

"It is. But it's sweet," Tali concluded as she turned to Shepard. "You mean the world to a lot of people, Shepard." _Including me_. "You're a hero." _My hero._

Shepard gave her a smile. "I'm just doing what anybody would do." Then, a smirk. "The Reapers just keep getting in the way." Tali laughed, a sound Shepard had loved hearing even before he realized the depth of his feelings for her. Even she still seemed surprised sometimes at how they found something funny facing down galactic extinction. Shepard looked closer at the mural.

"They did your knees wrong." 

Tali leaned in to confirm. "Well, nobody's perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry for the delay and shorter chapters. Isolation's messing with my schedule haha. Hope folks enjoy!


	9. Raika

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali and Shepard discuss the personal history within public history, Shepard reads

The next room advertised itself as _The Origins of a Hero_. It was supposedly about Shepard's childhood, a fact which elicited a groan from him when they entered. 

"This better be years of sitting quietly on ships or it will be wildly inaccurate."

Tali laughed. "Maybe it's just a live feed of the spaceport. _The Shepard Childhood Experience_."

Shepard gave Tali a warm smile as they looked through the thankfully sparse room. Most of it was junk labeled as 'similar to' something Shepard grew up with, as if it were during the Prothean era, not 20 years ago. There was a smattering of publicly available, hard-to-track-down crew photos from his parents' various deployments that served as impromptu yearbook photos. Tali was particularly tickled by a mid-puberty Shepard with a scraggly beard and thick frame glasses ("The gene mods hadn't kicked in yet."). Most surprising was an M8 Avenger that claimed to have been used by Shepard's father during First Contact. Shepard stopped in front of it.

"Is it actually your father's?" Tali asked, unsure what Shepard might be feeling. He narrowed his eyes.

"I...guess so? It does have a requisition form for S. Shepard. And that's Dad's handwriting."

"Was it a special weapon for him? Did he ever talk about it?"

Shepard chuckled. "My dad didn't really...talk about First Contact. I think it was more out of embarrassment than anything. Like he felt bad for being part of something so stupid. He didn't regret serving - Hell, he died in uniform," Tali felt a jolt. _He's never mentioned his father's death._ "But I think First Contact was awkward for a lot of people."

Tali waited, then asked Shepard without looking at him. 

"Shepard, your father...you've never talked about his death."

Shepard put his hand on the back of his neck. "Yeah. He died a few years before I met you." Shepard paused. "Cancer. He didn't notice until it had spread past the point we know how to cure." He was avoiding looking Tali in the eye. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I've had time to process. I miss him, always will, but it's over." 

There was a minute of silence.

"I'm sorry for never telling you. Or anyone on the crew," he hastily added. "It's just-"

"Shepard, you don't need to tell me everything," Tali interrupted. "Us everything."

"I know, but you share your burdens with me. I should do the same. God knows I could use it."

Tali looked into Shepard's eyes. There were no tears, no watering, but she could see the sadness in them. Regret. It was rare, but there were times when they were alone or Shepard thought he was, that Tali could see how much everything weighed down on Shepard. This was one of those times.

She hugged him. She felt none of her usual anxiety, just warmth and comfort in their embrace. They stayed like that as if they were trying to share their burdens through touch alone. After a hug that was just too long to be platonic, they broke off and headed to the next exhibit.

***

 _The Lion of Elysium_ announced the banner over the next room. Shepard groaned. He had seen this coming - he was sure 'the guy from the Skyllian Blitz' was on his Alliance record in big, flashing letters - but he dreaded how the museum would handle it. 

Tali sensed his distaste. "Everything okay?"

Shepard realized his shoulders were slumped ( _"What would my mother say about my posture?"_ ) and quickly straightened up. All things considered, there were much worse fates than touring a museum dedicated to you alongside a beautiful woman. "Yeah, I'm just worried they have another mural." Tali laughed at that. 

The exhibit was surprisingly bearable, as Tali had a genuine interest in Shepard expanding on all the mundane 'artifacts' and how they related to his finest hour. They spent time reminiscing about pre-clip cooling systems and traded rude gestures towards a photo of Elanos Haliat. Shepard, to Tali's somewhat surprise, remembered the names of almost every civilian who fought with him against the pirates, even keeping in touch with a few who joined the Navy afterward. When they reached a grainy holovid of Shepard holding down some burned-out office building, Tali excitedly pointed.

"That's the first time I ever saw you! Well, not in person, but you know."

"How did you see this on the Migrant Fleet? Also, you saw war footage as a teenager?"

Tali shrugged. "Not any worse than what you see in pirate raids every few years. This was exactly why, to answer your question, the Blitz was a big deal to us. Terminus scum attack slower or less armed vessels fairly frequently, so it was good to see someone, even a human, standing up to them."

"I had no idea I was a quarian celebrity," Shepard teased.

"You joke, but I knew a few marines who had black and red suit decals because of you." Tali paused. "I actually, uh - my hood, we make a new one when we come back from Pilgrimage, and mine was after you -" she hated saying 'died' - "were gone, so it's kind of a...tribute to you. A little, just in ways I know."

Shepard looked intently at the intricately woven hood. "Anything I'd recognize?" he smirked.

Tali pointed to various parts. "Well, this swirl is the closest to a '7' I could get, and that's supposed to be that symbol 'N', and the whole thing is...the color of your eyes." She made a point not to look in Shepard's, lest she find herself lost in them.

Shepard tilted his head. "Uh, is quarian eyesight...different? Because your hood is...purple. My eyes are blue."

Tali looked up. "What are you talking about, they're both - oh. They're both _raika_ , but - yes, okay, that makes sense, _raika_ 's two different colors for you. Well, this is embarrassing."

Shepard put his hand, his big, strong hand - _no, bad Tali!_ \- on her shoulder. "Why would it be embarrassing? Quarian eyes probably see totally differently than human ones, or drell, or turian. Hell, Thane can't see brown, red, or black, but he can see hanar colors. Garrus uses smell for half his senses. It's all - what's the word -" Shepard snapped his fingers, one of those funny human habits Tali found so endearing - " _umwelt_!"

"Environment?"

"Oh, right, translators. It means the environment is seen fundamentally differently by different entities. It's a biological-philosophical theory from a few centuries back."

Tali stared at Shepard. He crossed his arms.

"What? I read."

Tali continued staring.

"Okay, one time I was in the medbay without my omni-tool and Chakwas only has boring science journals, so I had to read those."

Tali laughed. "That, I believe."

As they walked past a very patriotic photoshoot of Shepard taken from some Alliance recruitment campaign towards the next room, Tali spoke.

"Wait, does Garrus actually mostly rely on smell? How does he stand being near Gardner's cooking all day?"

"I know, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given that color perception differs wildly between and even within species on Earth, I figured it's highly unlikely quarians have the same color range/definitions as humanity.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think! More on the way.


	10. Fascinating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara commits tax fraud, Shepard is 'fascinating', Tali thinks it's warm in here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This fic isn't dead, quarantine just did a number on my ability to set tasks for myself. Apologies, hope you enjoy!

**_THE HUNT FOR SAREN_** announced the large, red banner above themuseum's main attraction. Tali was delighted to see yet another mural, clearly done by the same artist, depicting Shepard facing down the turian Spectre in the Council chambers. As a first-hand witness to the event, Tali could point any number of issues - Saren's eyes did not, in fact, glow bright red, nor was there a large "Time Until Geth" countdown clock above the console _-_ but instead she focused on the rendition of Shepard. The portrait was lovingly-rendered with no detail spared. Every line on Shepard's face, every muscle in his body, his posture - it was all replicated as well as a holo. _Whoever this was had spent almost as much time staring at Shepard as I have_ , Tali concluded. _Almost._

"Looks like you've got quite the admirer, Shepard," she teased.

"Well, bad news for them that I'm taken," he replied with a cheeky smile, wrapping his arm easily around Tali's waist. She blushed heavily under her helmet, pushing out her countless fantasies that began just like this. At Tali's silence, Shepard feared he had gone too far and awkwardly withdrew his arm. "You know, for the night." He coughed into his fist. Tali nodded meekly, thankful the Commander couldn't see how crestfallen she was at those three words.

 _For the night, Tali,_ she reminded herself like a personal mantra. _Don't get your hopes up._ In Shepard's mind, the same words repeated, along with chastisements for his forwardness. And for having entirely inappropriate thoughts about his ability to lift Tali by the waist.

"Rest of the museum, then?" Shepard offered, hoping to return to their usual friendly-to-more-than-friendly banter. "I'm eager to see if they're as suspicious of Liara as you and Garrus were."

Tali huffed. "She was the daughter of Saren's top lieutenant! We had no idea if she was trustworthy!" _Her being an attractive asari had nothing to do with it!_ "At least I didn't want her kept in the brig like Garrus." _I only thought of that after you melded_. Tali laughed internally at her own childish jealousy at the woman who became one of her best friends in the galaxy.

"You were just mad she implied you triggered the mining laser on accident."

"Well, questioning a quarian's mechanical skills is like questioning a marine's shooting. It's just not done," she retorted in her best 'posh matriarch' tone. Shepard snorted.

***

Whoever wrote the museum's text was not, it turned out, at all suspicious of Liara. Or "Dr. T'Soni" as it exclusively called her. If anything, it was outright reverent, of her and all members of Shepard's crew. 

_Doctor Liara T'Soni (University of Serrice, Class of 2153), the galaxy's foremost expert on the ancient Protheans, joined Commander Shepard's team to determine Saren's obsession with Prothean artifacts - and to bring down her own mother, Matriarch Benezia T'Soni, who had been corrupted by the rogue Spectre's bizarre techno-organic ideology. While official records are sealed, it is certain that Dr. T'Soni played a critical part in limiting the damage from the geth attack on the Citadel._

_Today, Dr. T'Soni continues her research from her offices on Ilium and honors the memory of Commander Shepard through her incredible discoveries._

Tali and Shepard blinked several times after reading the plaque below a collection of holos and vids of Liara. 

"Continues her research?" Tali questioned out loud.

"She told me she still lists herself as an archaeologist officially," Shepard replied. Tali turned to face him. "Tax reasons, apparently." He shrugged.

"Ilium has taxes? And Liara pays them?"

"I think 'tax reasons' is a euphimism for 'avoiding assassination attempts', but, honestly, I think everything's a euphimism for that on Ilium."

Tali's flitered laugh bounced through the empty museum halls. "I still have trouble believing Liara went from terrified archaeologist to cold-blooded info broker. And I was around for it, I can't imagine how odd it is for you."

Shepard shrugged. "No weirder than Wrex turning into an elder statesman or Garrus into a vigilante." He looked Tali up and down in a way that was _definitely_ not checking her out. "Or a teenage engineer into a veteran combat squad leader."

Tali, having recovered from watching Shepard's eyes trail over her, lightly pushed his shoulder. "I was not a _teenager_!"

"By quarian standards, you made it sound like it. Honestly, I was terrified 'pilgrimage' was an elaborate cover for you running away from home," Shepard playfully retorted. Tali scoffed, though she internally admitted that 'Admiral's daughter fighting assassins on the Citadel' did sound like the premise of a bad extranet show. 

Continuing to look at Liara's 'exhibit', she considered Shepard's comment about her changes over the last two years. 'Veteran combat squad leader' was exceedingly generous, as Shepard always was, but she _had_ grown up since returning to the Fleet. It was hard not to when wrangling hothead marines who were convinced they could liberate the homeworld in a day if given the chance. Still, she had to give herself credit - she barely recognized the overconfident girl trying to bargain with the Shadow Broker anymore. 

In front of her, there was a similar contrast between a bright-eyed Liara accepting her doctorate and Tali's memory of the distant, professional woman they met with above the Ilium trade floor. She seemed...better after Shepard helped her find the Shadow Broker's mole, but still closed-off. The asari she met on the SR1 felt like a different woman, though she still gave her that same smug look of _He hasn't caught on yet, has he?_ whenever Shepard wasn't looking.

"Hey, are you sure Liara was hitting on me on the old Normandy?" Tali was knocked out of her thoughts by Shepard's unprompted question.

"Shepard, she called you _fascinating_."

"Lots of people call me fascinating! Kelly, Aria T'Loak," Shepard counted off on his fingers. Tali crossed her arms and stared at him as he continued to list.

"Conrad Verner, Samara, Thane, that bartender - okay, you may have a point." Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. "Well now I feel bad."

Tali felt a shock to her heart. _Good job, genius, now he's wondering what could have been with Liara. Shouldn't have said anyth-_

"She's not...still into me, right? Because I really don't want to give the 'I'm just not into you' speech to someone who can flay me with her mind." He laughed weakly, but Shepard internally wondered if he could avoid Ilium for the rest of his life.

"What? No!" Tali responded, just a bit too quickly for someone supposedly not invested in Shepard's romantic life. "No, she actually thought you turned her down back on the SR1."

Shepard knitted his brow. "When?"

"You said you 'really valued her as a team member' and enjoyed her 'professionalism'," Tali made sure to use the 'air quotes' Joker was fond of, "and when she said you were 'an impressive specimen', you talked about your amp for an hour." She left out the part where Liara told her Shepard was "all yours" and she spent 10 minutes denying any interest in him ("And his fingers! He has too many - not that you have too many fingers, I just mean, compared to mine - or Garrus! Or Wrex. Anybody with less than five, really."). _Keelah, was I a teenager?_

Shepard nodded solemnly, then more lightly as he processed the information. "That's good." Tali simply looked at him, contemplating why exactly she kept bringing up mutual friends of theirs who wanted to sleep with Shepard. "Liara's great, obviously, but, uh, not my type." 

Tali's glowing eyes narrowed. "You have a type?"

 _Yeah, engineers, wear an envirosuit, self-sacrificing to a fault._ "I mean, doesn't everyone?" _Good deflection, Shepard. Kasumi would be proud._

"I suppose, I just thought 'asari' was everyone's type." _Good deflection, Tali. Kasumi's lessons are paying off. Wait._ "Except, I mean, I'm not. Into asari, I mean. I'm not not into asari, it's not a species thing," she kept rambling, watching her suit's UI inform her her temperature was steadily rising as she talked circles around her incredibly specific 'type': namely, handsome Alliance Lieutenant Commanders.

Thankfully for all involved, Shepard, himself avoiding casually asking "Hey, how do quarians have sex with other species, hypothetically speaking, of course?", pointed out the next squad member exhibit near them. "You want to go see if they have pics of teenage Garrus?"

" - I mean, really, what does 'attraction' mean, anyway? Sometimes - oh, yes! Yes, let's." Tali breathed a sigh of relief. She really needed to set her helmet audio to cut off once she reached a certain heart rate. "Do you think he had the visor back then?"

"I'm pretty sure he was born with it."


	11. Unbecoming of a Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes discuss Garrus' illustrious career; Shepard's credentials are called into question; two different conversations happen at once; Tali hates those hacking minigames.

“Officer Garrus Vakarian, decorated member of Citadel Security, served as C-Sec liaison to Commander Shepard’s operation against Saren. Prior to his time aboard the SSV Normandy, Officer Vakarian played a pivotal role in the takedown of the infamous ‘Pleiades’ red sand ring and the prevention of several major transportation-related crimes. Following the defeat of Saren, Officer Vakarian has returned to C-Sec and is rumored to be considered for Spectre status*. He is currently on a (well-deserved!) extended vacation from the Citadel to an undisclosed location.

*The Citadel Council, C-Sec, and associated entities, spokesbeings, and representatives have neither confirmed nor denied this statement.”

Tali narrowed her eyes. “Major transportation-related crimes?”

Shepard scratched his head. “I think that’s when they put him on traffic duty?”

“Oh, after he arrested that Ward Captain’s cousin?”

“Yeah, apparently she’s a ‘friend of the force’, so,” Shepard gestured vaguely. “Does Garrus tell that story to _everybody_?”

Tali nodded. “He told it to Thane the other day. I’m _fairly_ sure he was reliving a memory, but Garrus didn’t notice.”

Shepard snickered. “He told Kelly about it yesterday. She seemed entertained!”

Tali scoffed. “Kelly’s entertained by _everything_. I once sent Chikktika to distract her so she wouldn’t talk to me after a mission and she talked to her for _two hours_. She doesn’t even have a speech function!”

Shepard smiled widely, the way he always did when he teased Tali. _That smile’s responsible for 80% of my suit cleanings_ , Tali contemplated. “Well, she _is_ the ship’s psychiatrist. She’s just listening to Chikktika’s burdens.”

“There’s exactly one person on the ship who listens to everyone’s burdens and it’s you. If Chiktikka had problems, you would already be in a firefight with Eclipse to help her,” Tali deadpanned.

Shepard shrugged. “I like helping my crew. Mercenaries just keep getting in the way.”

“So do geth, security mechs, wildlife,” Tali counted off on her fingers, “galactic and local laws, the environment, and Cerberus.”

“Well, when you put it that way, you make me sound like a krogan.”

“Oh, and krogan,” Tali counted her first digit again and smiled beneath her mask. Shepard smiled back.

“Hey, if I can people’s problems without having to biotic charge anyone, I prefer to. For example, right now, we’re on a mission that hasn’t involved a single vorcha with a flamethrower.” 

Habitually, Tali and Shepard both looked to the entrances to the room, just in case ‘Shepard’s Law’, as Kaidan coined it, kicked in. Thankfully, the museum remained empty and unsinged. Tali turned back to Shepard.

“We haven’t had a firefight _yet_. Give it a few hours.”

“In a few hours, we’ll be at a fancy xenophile,” _such a gross word_ , Shepard thought, “party, mingling and trying to steal a billionaire’s secre – okay, you may have a point. That’s why we brought weapons!”

Tali hummed in agreement. “As long as nothing is out of shotgun range, we’ll be fine.”

Shepard grinned. “That’s the spirit!” He turned to walk to the next exhibit, concerningly labeled _Urdnot Wrex: A Credit to His Race_ , before stopping and turning around. “Wait a minute, what do you mean by ‘as long as nothing is out of shotgun range’? I have my Mattock.”

Tali twiddled her fingers and looked around the room, notably avoiding Shepard’s face to avoid cracking up at his indignation. _What did I say, this is what it feels like when my engineering skills are questioned._ She finally looked at Shepard, who was well and truly offended, and shrugged.

“You aren’t…the _best_ shot on the team,” Tali technically didn’t lie.

Shepard crossed his arms and huffed. “I mean, sure I’m no sniper, but I hit my targets.”

Tali made a noise of doubt and shifted her head. “Do you not remember Feros?”

“Those drones were moving really fast!”

“Or the bridge at Dantius Towers?”

“It was windy!”

Tali blinked. “Shepard, I watched you miss three targets in the loading bay, get frustrated, and charge them last week.”

Shepard raised his hand, opened his mouth, and sputtered. _That was mostly showing off for you_ , Shepard internally admitted.

_He did look good doing it, though_ , Tali thought.

Shepard resolved the silence by pulling up his omni-tool. “I’m calling Garrus, I can’t believe this.”

Tali shook her head. “He’ll say the same thing. He said you missed a giant, floating Collector on their ship.”

Shepard scoffed while he entered Garrus’ comm code. “I was taking down the barrier!” _And those legs are spindly._ The call connected.

“Shepard? You need something?” From the sound of the consoles, Garrus was in his usual spot in the main battery.

“Tali and I disagree about something and want you to settle it.”

Garrus gave a weary subvocal sigh and clicked his mandibles loud enough to be heard across the line. He had been expecting this.

“Since at least the second month of the SR1, but probably earlier.”

Shepard looked up in confusion at Tali, who had quickly pieced together what question Garrus _thought_ he was settling and was horrified. 

“That long?” _He’s thought I was a bad shot since I met him?_

“I’m not an expert on these sorts of things, but yes. Why, does Tali say different?”

Shepard was more confused than ever while Tali frantically tapped on her omni-tool. 

“She said you agreed with her. I just never noticed, but if you both say so, I guess it’s true.”

Garrus laughed on the other end. “I don’t know why you wouldn’t believe her. It’s been pretty obvious.”

“Well now you’re just being rude.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard, it’s just – I’ve never seen anyone be that oblivious. Jacob noticed on Freedom’s Progress.”

_When did Cerberus encryption get upgraded?_ Tali wondered while she navigated her omni-tool’s visual representation of the still easily broken security protocol.

“Jacob agrees with you? Seriously?”

The turian’s subharmonics hummed in amusement. “John, _Grunt_ noticed. After Haestrom, he went to ask me about it in the shuttle and I had to explain why you can’t just say that sort of thing out loud, even if it is – what did he call it? – ‘unbecoming of a warrior’.”

Shepard looked genuinely hurt, which Tali felt terrible about, but she was more concerned with whatever cobbled-together Omega program Garrus had slapped on his omni-tool since she last saw it. _Of course that paranoid bosh’tet added his own encryption._ She monitored Shepard’s face for any sign of understanding as her cryptographic sequencer pummeled its way through several different layers of what passed for ‘security’ on that asteroid. _Still oblivious. Good._

“But, good for both of you that you finally sorted things out.”

_Dammit._ Tali clattered away at her virtual keyboard. _What are the command lines for his model again?_

“Both of us?”

“You and Tali,” Garrus said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

“What does Tali have to do with my shooting?” 

There was a long silence at the other end of the line. It was broken by a loud sigh and annoyed clicking. Garrus’ voice came through, louder than before.

“Spirits, Tali, really? You still haven’t told him? This is like boot camp all over ag- “

The line clicked off. Tali triumphantly closed her omni-tool right before Shepard turned around.

“Buoys must be down,” she shrugged. Before the Commander could say anything, she grabbed his arm and led him forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry about the delay. I lost my job due to the pandemic and have been busy looking for work. Hope you enjoy!


	12. It Is Some Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kaidan issue, a discussion on names, and a poem

As Tali dragged her Captain towards the gift shop, she felt a tug, then emptiness as he stopped in place. Mildly concerned that the Blood Pack had made good on their invocation of Shepard’s Law earlier, she turned on her phalanges to look. There was no flaming vorcha, but the quarian’s heart dropped all the same. 

Before her and Shepard was a flickering holo. It was from a promotional Alliance photoshoot on the first Normandy which Tali remembered being very pointedly _not_ invited to. (Shepard, of course, fought against it and apologized profusely to Garrus, Liara, Wrex, and her when the PR team shooed them away.) This was the result: Shepard at the CIC in his officer blues, hands clasped behind his back, with Kaidan and Ashley at either side. Kaidan had his best stern face on, which was to say not a particularly good one. Ashley was beaming with pride, smiling wide with bright eyes. 

Tali felt tears welling up. Everything in that photo, sans Shepard ( _thank the Ancestors_ ) was gone now. The Normandy’s carcass was shattered on a lifeless glacier. Ashley’s existence was extinguished in an atomic flash on a blood-stained beach. Kaidan was still breathing, but he wasn’t the man they knew. Shepard’s death hurt him as much as anyone, but he was the only one shattered by his resurrection. She hadn’t been on Horizon, but she had heard what happened from Garrus and, in one of their first late-night Engineering conversations on the SR-2, Shepard himself. Kaidan saw Shepard’s return under Cerberus colors as a personal betrayal. Of everyone on the mission, Tali could sympathize the most. In those long seconds before he asked about her Pilgrimage, she was enraged at the idea of Shepard faking his death to join terrorists who slaughtered her people. She imagined it was the same way Kaidan felt.

Tali differed from Kaidan, however, in that she let Shepard speak. When he explained that he had been in a coma for two years and made it clear he had no love for Cerberus, she listened. Alenko didn’t and that’s where her sympathies ended. She didn’t expect him to drop everything and run onto the Normandy, of course, he had his obligations just like Wrex and Liara. But good faith? That was the least of what they all owed Shepard.

More than anything, Shepard felt an overwhelming sense of loss when he contemplated the scene, a moment preserved in time. Ashley’s death, the destruction of the Normandy and its crew – those were one type of pain, one they taught you to deal with in the first week of N-school. But Kaidan…that was a hollow loss. No grand sacrifice, no battle death, just one friend refusing to trust another due to circumstances outside of either’s control. Of course, how ‘out of control’ it really was on Shepard’s end was something with which he still struggled. He had, as Joker pointed out, the tacit approval of Anderson and Hackett, insofar as the latter hadn’t put out a notice for his court-martial. Having Joker, Chakwas, Garrus, and Tali around confirmed to him logically that he was doing the right thing and that Kaidan was being unreasonable. But –

“He was wrong.” Tali interrupted Shepard’s spiral of overthinking by wrapping digits around his shoulder. “You’re not a traitor, not by any definition.” She turned her body, hand never leaving him, and put herself between him and the exhibit. “He hasn’t been here; he hasn’t seen the good you’re doing. I like to think if he did, he would apologize. Maybe someday he will. But right now,” the hand on his shoulder tightened, “I know – we all know – you’re still our Commander.”

Shepard smiled, a welcome relief for the quarian. “Thank you. Knowing you – all of you,” Shepard quickly appended, “trust me makes me feel a lot better about this whole thing.” He looked past her at the projection. “Do you think Ashley would’ve been okay with this?”

Tali removed her hand from Shepard, missing his dulled warmth, and looked back. “Honestly? She would’ve punched you, then hugged you, then held Miranda at gunpoint.”

Shepard laughed. “Yeah, she would’ve.”

***

Despite Tali’s protests, Shepard insisted they stop by her exhibit (“It’s called saving the best for last!”). Much to her surprise, the holo was a good one, not from the usual set taken right after the battle. _The one time I get on the news and half my gasket seals are blown._ This one, though, showed her with her facing towards the Citadel Embassies from across the Presidium. Arms crossed, her formal hood on, suit polished. It was from an interview she gave with _Quiyya_ , a magazine for the station’s miniscule quarian diaspora community. That photo, she remembered with a smirk, was the only one they got before the Consort’s security threatened to call C-Sec on them. Still, it was a lovely article on her experience aboard the Normandy and her hopes for greater quarian representation in the future. _Also, my ass looks great_ , Tali considered with a small amount of pride.

Meanwhile, Shepard was making a valiant effort to keep his eyes away from the photo. Or, more specifically, the lower half of the photo. _Honestly, it’s a crime to keep legs like that in a suit. We should’ve gone to war with the geth over that alone._ Instead, he busied himself with Tali’s biography:

“Tali’Zorah vas Neema (née nar Rayya) served as Engineer, 3rd Class, and quarian ambassador aboard the SSV Normandy SR-1. A technical prodigy, Miss Zorah recovered the geth memory core that was, according to eyewitness accounts*, key evidence in exposing Saren. She served with distinction in numerous battles against the geth and fought alongside Commander Shepard against Saren in the Battle of the Citadel. Today, she has returned to the quarian fleet, likely to succeed her father, Admiral Rael’Zorah vas Rayya (née nar Shellen) as Admiral**.

*All Council records regarding the investigation into Saren Arterius are sealed until 2283. Citadel Archives personnel have denied multiple requests for museum curator access.

**The Migrant Fleet Admiralty Board has yet to respond to curator requests for information on any potential membership changes.”

“That’s the most accurate thing any human besides you has ever written about me,” Tali noted, having read the text along with Shepard. “Well, besides the me becoming an Admiral part.” She shuddered.

Shepard gave a teasing smile and tilted his head. “Are you sure? The latest polling you showed me still had you in the lead.” Tali crossed her arms. “So that’s a ‘no’ to my offer to be your chief of staff?” That one earned him a playful shove. He turned back to the exhibit.

“Well, they also seem a little confused on quarian naming convention, but I guess there’s a low bar.”

“No, it says, ‘born nar Rayya’, that’s accurate. Well, technically, I was born on a medical ship attached to the Rayya, but still.”

“Oh, yeah, that does literally mean ‘born’, but née usually means, ‘formerly’.” Shepard knew from a deeply irritating day of refiling paperwork for his will that, by quarian and Citadel law, ‘nar Rayya’ was still technically part of Tali’s name. That was also the day he found out that it’s illegal to bequeath weapons to krogan. _Well, Wrex has more than enough shotguns of his own now._

Tali tapped her middle digit on her helmet, her usual sign for being deep in thought. “So, I’m Tali’Zorah vas Normandy _née_ vas Neema?” _Keelah, and humans find hanar names confusing._

Shepard flushed, which Tali matched in turn, now confident she had said something wrong. He cleared his throat. “Well, uh, yes, but that usually means…marriage.” Tali’s face warmed even more, not helped by her memory of briefly considering how “Tali’Shepard vas Normandy” sounded one late night in Engineering. _In my defense, it does flow well_.

Thinking quickly, Tali waved off the comment. “If anyone on board is married to the Normandy, it’s Garrus. At least I leave Engineering sometimes.” Shepard recovered just as quickly, laughing and walking towards the final exit from the ‘Hall of Heroes’.

“I don’t know, I think Joker gives him a run for his money.”

“Because of EDI?”

“It’s more of a love triangle between him, EDI, and the Normandy.”

***

The hallway, much to Tali’s disappointment, lacked a final mural. Instead, there was large, bold text physically painted on the wall next to a _very_ shiny holo-sign letting anyone with eyes know the gift shop was straight ahead. Her visor’s translator did its best, but the garbled output told her it was antiquated, metaphorical, or both. She turned to Shepard.

“Poetry?”

He nodded. “Yup. Old, about three centuries back, during our industrial revolution.”

Tali shook her head. “I forget sometimes that your species was discovering flight when we built the geth.”

“Yeah, the Mars Archive really did us a favor. Without it we’d still be fighting over Luna until the Council uplifted us.”

“Assuming you wouldn’t shoot the Council representatives when they showed up, of course,” Tali added with a hidden grin. Shepard grinned right back. Tali stepped towards the poem and, very subtly, towards Shepard’s side. “Could you read it for me?” That earned her a quizzical look. “M-my audio translators are better with spoken language, so it would just help me understand it if – if you’re willing, of course! No pressure! In fact, let’s see if there’s a –” She was silenced by Shepard grabbing her hand and pulling her closer (though not close enough for her personal preference).

“Always glad to share human culture.” He cleared his throat.

“O Captain! My Captain! Our fearful trip is done…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody. Thanks so much to each and every one of you for reading, kudosing, and leaving comments. You've helped me through a really rough year. <3


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